Down South

Wednesday, October 19 to Monday, October 24

(note: I'm currently sitting in the best hostel ever - right on the beach- eating my sandwich and trying to catch up on my writing. There's a bunch of people around but I be needing some alone time right now so.... hi) Yeti arrived back in Perth on Tuesday night and was going to head up to the farm on Wednesday to pick me up - unfortunately when you have a flash car without key locks in the doors and only electronic access, it's a little difficult to fix anything when your battery is draining (unbeknownst to you) to nothing while you are away for eight days.

So, Timbo and I went redback hunting instead - and don't you just know? it was in the last place we looked. Although, since the first place was the lawn chairs I'd been sitting in most of the day - I'm not TOO upset about that.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I present the dreaded redback spider of Australia.....



....Eating one of those black ones from the post before with the little shining eye.

Serves him right, I say.

After Tim was done all his work - he drove me back into Perth to Yeti's house.

I was still getting over my cold and sleeping a lot (like I have since I got here) and frankly, for someone used to being alone most of the time, a bit tired of being a burden to others (or guest or whatever you want to call it) so I'm glad that Yeti and I didn't do all the things he had planned. We did have dinner with his mom on the Thursday night though, she's a Canadian, and that was nice.

We did some sightseeing downtown (and yes, I refrained from purchasing a keychain made from a kangaroo paw), although I did buy an iron ore bracelet, walked King's Park and saw the sights and went down to Freemantle on Friday. It was a bit of a rainy day so we got a bit wet but all good.



Yeti worked in the park so he knew lots of neat stuff and names of things - not a one of which I could repeat back to you.

You'll more than likely have to wait for the pictures I think.

I did, however, eat raw oysters, which was something I'd wanted to do (kangaroo? check. redback? check. wallaby? check. raw oysters? check. you get the idea).

The next day (Saturday) we drove to Lancelin so Drew, Steve, Yeti and Greg could ride their bikes (dirt bikes? ) on the dunes there, which I have dubbed in my mind as 'spa day' because up there on the dunes with the ocean breeze it's pretty much a full body exfoliation. Especially when one of the boys forgets you're there and rooster tails a MASSIVE amount of sand full onto your entire back side.

Anyways, the dunes - which are apparantly the biggest in Western Australia -are amazing. And cool. And warm. And bright and white. And, although I enjoyed myself, I think I'd rather have been riding as well even though I don't know how, because it looked like a ton of fun.





On Sunday, we picked up my rental car, hit the beach - where I did (kind of) swim in the Indian Ocean. It was cold, man. Jeez. It's only spring here.

Then we met Dan and Jen for thai food for dinner and went to the Ocean Beach Hotel and a night time tour around Perth and King's Park. They were good to see - Dan and Jen I met in Vancouver with Matt and she's a Canadian who moved here to be with her boyfriend so hopefully it was good for her to see a Canadian. It was also weird because I met them both almost exactly a year ago. And who'dve thought 350ish days later we'd be meeting on the other side of the world for dinner.

Today (Monday) I packed up my rental car with Yeti's swag, wetsuit, snorkel, eskie etc and headed out of the city.

So, I guess this sounds a bit like just a list of what I've done. And it is. And Jen,also is probably out there saying, "But what's it like? How is driving on the other side of the road? How do you *feel*? " Cause I always tell you guys how I feel. In a word (okay, a few cause when have you ever known me to use one word fifty will do just as well?) Perth depressed me. A lot. I'm angry and envious and resentful and sad. Poor Yeti probably really doesn't want to see me for a couple of years although none of it has anything to do with him and he shouldn't have had to bear the brunt of my quietness / sorry-for-myself-ness. I'll tell you how and why Perth made me feel all those things and how the drive away from it with the prospect of only my own company was the best I've felt since I've got here another time.

Maybe tomorrow night I only have half the words in my head today and maybe tomorrow I'll have the rest.

I'm booked at this hostel for 2 nights so if you're familiar with WA then I'm in Dunsborough and tomorrow I will be daytripping to Cape Naturaliste to see if I can spy the humpbacks, Sugarloaf Rock, Canal Rocks and Ngilgi Cave.

At least, that's the plan.

Well, the plan for tomorrow anyways. I was originally thinking the last few days that I would drive down to Albany and see all the sights along the way since it's all supposed to be beautiful but to be honest, Matt's hometown is Albany and at this point I am so utterly heartily sick and tired of him that I don't want to go anywhere near the place.

And I haven't even seen him. How's that for and end-of-the-day cliffhanger? Hey? Hey?

I think I'd like to homebase from here because it's such a beautiful place and spend my days in this area, taking it slow and easy and restful. Laying in that hammock beside the beach and putting Yeti's deckchair in the surf to read my book. Writing. Writing a bit more about the little things I've seen instead of just the big things and taking some time to slow down and look around and figure out where I put the "real" Jen in the last couple of weeks.

It's not like an entire year won't give me enough time to see all this stuff later.

Right now, I really DO need to spend some time alone. To percolate.

Settling In

Tuesday, October 25

It stormed in the night - I woke up a little bit before four from a bang-on sleep and went outside to sit a little while in the easy chair on the porch. I was visited by the resident cat (Nicco) who joined me to make bread on my belly while I had a little miss-Cabot time and stroked his back.

Stef tells me Cabot is doing just fine and it sounds like she's taking fantastic care of him - so don't anyone mention to him that I've been cheating on him, alright?

I went back to sleep about 5 am until 9:30ish (see? I told you I'm sleeping a lot - back home I sleep 7 hours max and here? 10 - 12 hours - it's insane) before up to shower and head out. It was still pretty rainy and really windy so I went to the big limestone cave - Ngili Cave. Amazing. Six stories down these tiny stairs with low clearance and the weight of the whole world above you.

There wasn't a ton of people, which was nice, so I spent a little time sitting around in there - dead silent in the middle of the earth. You can look up at a drip of water hanging off a rock for hours and it won't fall.



Then, I headed out -drove into the Wicked Ale Brewery and then out again without stopping - and on to the Cape Naturaliste park and lighthouse. I skipped the tour (I refuse to pay twice a day for 'tourist' things) and took a couple hours hike through the trails instead.





It's humpback whale migration time here but alas, I saw none, although one of the girls here volunteers for an organization and sits out a couple hours a day and she saw a ton of them about 3 hours after I left.

Then back into town for some shopping at competing bakeries, a wine store and the post office for a box I can fill with things to ship home before heading back to the hostel to book the rest of the week and log onto the net. I think most of you should have postcards by now, my mom got hers ultra fast, but the rest will be on their way this week.

As you noticed above, I've decided to stay here the entire time. If you were here, in a hammock on the edge of the beach, you'd agree with me. Besides, the entire Margaret River area is within day trip area and then on Saturday I will head back to Perth.



Jen and Dan have asked me to join them at a Hallowe'en party (as they did last year in Vancouver as well) about a half hour from the airport (my flight leaves at 11:45 pm on Saturday) but I'm undecided as to whether I will do that or not.

I'd like to spend some more time with Jen. We'll see, I guess, how I feel then.

Anyways, I have chilly fingers out here so I am heading in - and so that - is my first full day in wine country. Tomorrow - depends on the weather.

Real Time

It's 1:57 am Sunday morning in Perth and right now I SHOULD be on a flight to Sydney to meet Sandy who's going to be at the airport at 6:20 am.

Of course by now you may have figured that something went wrong.

You'd be dead on there, I'd say.

I came to the Hallowe'en party with Jen and Dan (dressed as a Canadian flag) and left in plenty of time with good directions for my flight.



Qantas chose not to agree.

The good news is - I found my way BACK to the house party and these lovely people.

The bad news is - the airport closed, the rental car has probably been reported stolen and I have two hours before I can leave the house again and return to the airport to use the Qantas pass that Brenton so nicely gave me to get into the lounge at the airport.

The good news is - there's INTERNET.

The ?!*?! thing is - I didn't want to leave in the first place.

And I hope hope hope that Sandy got the text message that I won't be in until 1pm, instead.

I didn't really want to see Sydney anyways.

I should take some of this time to write about my last night in Dunsborough which I finally actually spent with some people from the hostel. But I'm a little stressed out and upset and un-eloquent. So I'm going to upload the last few posts and some more pictures while I have this lovely computer in this lovely house full of lovely sleeping people who have been lovely and accomodating.

Did I mention they were lovely?



Maybe, it's like the drive through Bunbury where it was raining buckets and one hostel was closed for a couple hours and the hotel in town was all full and so it was meant for me to continue on to the beach in Dunsborough.

Maybe I missed my flight so I could update you.

It's now 3:38 am and man, am I tired. There's lots of new pics though.

Back to the un-real time posts.

Is Perth a Floodplain? It Is NOW.

Overview Post, Wednesday, October 26

I thought that I was well-equipped to withstand being in Australia - being in Matt's city. What I didn't factor in, or I guess it's more fitting to say, what I didn't fully understand - is what it would feel like to spend my time with his friends.

That's not to say I don't like his friends - all of them were lovely. It's not to say that I wished I hadn't been with them, that was wonderful as well. It's the sudden shock of being in the middle of a tight group of 10 or 12 friends and being introduced as Fitzi's ex-girlfriend. It's the ongoing after-shocks, like little earthquakes, of fear and pain everytime someone tells a story or the phone rings and he's on it.

Yet, there really in all honesty is no other way it could have gone. People require a frame of reference and to Matt's friends - that's the one. I had already limited their contact with him just by being there and I'm not so sure that was even something I should have done.

I know that I consider Tim and Yeti to be my friends and that I always will and it is just simple circumstance that makes them a part of both of our lives in a way that's delicate. At least, I imagine it must be for them, Yeti more so than Tim. They, as well as I, have to find a way that it's okay for all of us.

I do know that I'm not as indifferent as I thought. I'm angry with Matt for leaving, I envy their lifestyle and their ties with each other, I'm ashamed of myself for being so weak as to miss him still so much. I'm hurt that he refused to see me as I refused to see him. Part of me wants to run him over and the other part wants to wrap my arms around his ankles. Like all matters of the heart is is not entirely rational, not sentimental and definately not inspiring.

I see the plans they are making and the lives they are living and it all seems so perfectly matched to the life I wanted with Matt and I hate that as well because I had everything I'd ever wanted and sometimes I can only see him as the person who took it away from me.

Jen told me over dinner that she'd thought and thought about why Matt had left me behind and all that she's been able to come up with was that he was coming back to a time in his life where there would just be too much happening and so I was the thing he deemed the only thing he could control. When I think about it he actually did say much the same to me.

But what I don't think I'll ever understand is why eventually he won't just let me come home.

She also told me that she's never seen anyone compartmentalize so well.

It's a little ironic that she reaffirms the things I believe but that doesn't make it any better. Or any easier.

I don't know if it makes me feel better to know he's not with anyone else - I guess in a way, it does, because at least it shows that he really was being as honest with me as he said.

I cried myself to sleep every night and by Monday all I wanted to do was get in the car and run as fast and as far away from him as I could. I drove down the freeway that skirts Perth from north to south with silent tears running out from under my sunglasses and it was a while before I felt my own sun come out again.

So many stories of seemingly fated things are told in hindsight by people who are willing to say they never doubted something for a moment. I tend to believe those people and over and over again, I'm proven wrong. From the very beginning I believed that Matt had been the one I'd been waiting for all of my life. It gives scant comfort, however, to believe it still.

I lost faith a hundred times a day for years and now, I lose it a thousand times a day. Even now I am certain only that everything I have of love in my life has come to me as grace, anew, from the ashes of my faithlessness and through the fires of my doubt.

But fire does not always cleanse and unlike the plants I have learned about here, fire does not always kick-start new life. Sometimes it only continues to burn and leaves only banked coals behind, waiting for new tinder to set it alight anew.

I have learned that grief is not a song with a beginning and an end, but an endless sparking symphony playing infinite variations on the same theme.

One part fades and another starts.

Yet somehow the sun keeps moving across the sky.

It's In the Details

Wednesday, October 26

I took another fantastic picture of a kangaroo (not) the other day - twice. Driving out of Ngili Cave a huge one was about 50 metres down on the right side of the road - he hopped across the road, disappeared into the bushes and 10 seconds later, changed his mind and hopped out and across the road again.

Breathtaking.

A half hour later, I almost ran over a two foot long lizard as he made his way across the road.

Now, I think I should have gone back - I'll bet I could have gotten a picture of HIM.

Today I drove by that same piece of road and I swear it was the exact same lizard in the exact same spot -- except he was about a foot shorter because he had no tail. Maybe someone got'im.

I also passed one on my road (Geographe Bay) and so finally, a picture of a lizard, crossing the road.



Also on my road, these two fellas.. who let me up really close before starting to look alarmed...



It took me awhile to figure out where the grocery store was - it's called 'Coles' - which in Canada is a chain of bookstores.

I've finally stopped getting out extra money at the tills. You see, here, all the tax is included in the price. They were utterly aghast when I said where I live 24 beer is $30ish dollars PLUS bottle deposit PLUS 14.5% tax. Seriously, I don't think I'll ever be okay with it again. Even though, yanno, it's still there.

They don't have pennies here. Well, maybe they do but they don't use them - saaaaaay, if I bought gas today (which was $1.32 a litre) and I missed (like I always do) the $30 mark and went to $30.02 well, it's still only $30. They round it up or down, depending.

I am now an expert driver. Except the one time I tried to hang my arm out the window without thinking - the left one.

What else do I love about Australia? hmmmm... AH! NO SHOES. I can go shopping in KMart in bare feet!

My calloused and sand toughened (but still quite lovely) bare feet!

Driving out to the south, you pass along the road entrances to summer camps for various groups and churches. Side by each in quick succession I passed the ones belonging to the Scouts, the Baptists, the Uniting Church, the Protestants and a couple others I can't remember now.

I wonder if they fight, being in such close proximity - each believing the others to be heathens.

An expression here only slightly different from Canada's "forest for the trees" is "wood for the trees" and I imagine that must be because there's really just not that much forest. Or, what I would consider forest, spoiled as I am by the island. Whatever, I could just be talking out my butt, it sounded good in my head though.

I opened my door last night to a patient visitor, Nicco, who proceeded to amble in and take over my extra blanket for half the night.



It is still rainy weather here and today I took the opportunity of a little break in the clouds to lay on the beach for an hour, spent a couple hours in the hammock, an hour on the internet, an hour in town shopping. Not a wasted day - just a quiet one.

I can tell you though, that I do not like mussels marinated in lemon. Ick. So, it was oranges and caesar salad for dinner.

The radio played Jamie Walters 'How Do You Talk to an Angel' from 90210 yesterday. HA! Does anyone remember that? I do, but only cause I bought his cd. I know, I know, for shame!

Also heard on the radio - "a South African youth who attacked his college roomate in the middle of the night with a baseball bat said he was suprised to learn that it was illegal in New Zealand."

*snort*

Tomorrow, the cheese factory, the olive farm, maybe a winery and hopefully one of the rock formations.

Friday I'm determined to don Yeti's wetsuit and wade out into the ocean for some snorkelling.