if you're not a penguin...shut it - Floating My OWN Boat v.2

Reflection

I guess this could be included in the meaning/purpose/justification series Anyways, it's an excerpt from a book I bought in Winnipeg last November and is called "The Meaning of Things, Applying Philosophy to Life" by A.C. Grayling. A.C. Grayling is Reader in Philosophy at Birkbeck College, University of London.

And so without further ado....

Perseverance

Courage and hope both depend on a crucial virtue: perseverance, the ability to keep going in adverse circumstances - with a cheerful countenance if possible, but if not, then at least in the spirit of Seneca's world-weary observation, 'Even after a bad harvest there must be sowing.'

It is said that perseverance is a good trait except when applied to inappropriate aims. This places the emphasis on knowing when aims are the right ones. Someone might say that the tone-deaf, lump-fingered man who persists in his endeavours to play the violin is obviously on the wrong tack, and it does not help to praise him for persevering. But someone else might reply that any worthy aim, such as playing the violin, dignifies the struggle to achieve it, and however difficult it might be for such a man to learn to play, he has still gained much from trying.

This is an encouraging reply. Arguably, most of us could do most of what we desire - or at least, like the aspiring violinist, could gain a great deal from trying - if we found the right way to approach it. Some techniques suit some people, others suit others; one has to find the method best adapted to oneself.

One of John F. Kennedy's speech-writers left a fingerprint on history in 1961 with the brilliant remark that America was going to put a man on the moon by the end of that decade not because it was an easy thing to do, but because it was a hard thing to do; and doing hard things is what makes you better.

I have to say here....that yesterday when I was showing Tony my new cell phone, he made the comment (being into things like that) that my cell phone had a more sophisticated computer system than the first space shuttle. Just think about that for a second...

Anything that requires perseverance is a hard thing in the meaning of this saying, and therefore improves you. The secret to persevering is an understanding of the 'learning curve', a graph with a line that rises, then dips somewhat, only to rise higher,- and so on, rising then dipping then rising again, continuously to the top of the page. It represents the standard shape of the progress people make in mastering anything new. All goes swimmingly; then suddenly one seems to regress, to lose what advance has been made. At this point most people give up. But if they were to persist they would find that each dip is followed by a higher rise, and the overall pattern is upward and onward, making true the Latin motto, Per ardua ad astra (through adversity to the stars).

It is a commonplace that perseverance tends to be more successful than violence - dripping water wears the stone that could not be hammered to pieces. It suggests a number of further traits in anyone who perseveres: determination, ambition, strength of resolve. The cynic would say that we should frequently substitute 'obstinacy;, 'folly' and 'blindness' respectively. The opposite of perseverance is giving up, trying something else, abandoning ambitions. Let it be conceded that if the ambition was to join the Shuttle crew, the decision was probably wise, but generally speaking the best and most satisfying choice is to see things through. As Ruskin said, it is not what we get but what we become by our endeavours that makes them worthwhile.

So, the last two years have been, for me, about perseverance. And I have learned many valuable things. Among them, the things I am willing to sacrifice and the things I'm not. Some of those things have come as a shock to those who know me. I've been told how stupid I am more times than I can count.

But, hey, you guys, you don't have to look into the same mirror that I do in the morning. And the person that looks in my mirror every morning has things that you don't have, things that you put me down for wanting. And maybe they're things you don't need. But I'm not you. The job I've always wanted. My own home. The knowledge that I really don't have to do the things I don't want to. That I can walk away from the bad people and things in my life, without looking back. That I can survive a serious illness relying only on my own strength and weather the fallout that follows. That my choices for relationships are different from yours, but that that doesn't make either of us wrong, only different. I understand that, do you?

The understanding that my expectations aren't too high, because the only people who say that are the people who want to treat others like crap and blame their actions on everyone but themselves. That sometimes, people you don't know are more important than the people you do. That people you may never meet are still important relationships worth nurturing and effort. That sometimes, the people who have known you for years want only that you stay the same person they want you to be, instead of recognizing who you are now, and sometimes, those people aren't worth any effort at all.

I learned to take responsibility, real internal responsibility for my actions. Not all the time but more often than not. I make the right choice, instead of making the wrong one, more often than I used to. And even the wrong ones, I stand by.

And 2004 will be more of the same. So, get out of the road if you don't want to get mowed down. Cause the best way to play chicken is to tear out the steering wheel and slam your foot down on the gas.

But for now, you'll have to excuse me, a nauseated dog and Lara Croft are pawing at my leg and beeping on the TV, respectively.

e @ 9:10AM | 2004-01-01| Happy New Year, Jen. And very empowered one at that, I think. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. It's still upsetting when to be you, you have to leave behind your family- since that's often who it is. They also tend to have slightly weird expectations, particularly parents, which may have more to do with living vicariously through you than any desire to see you happy- at least mine do. This year for me, and for my husband, has become the year of shedding bossy people who think they can play more of a guiding role in our lives than we feel they should (my mother in law and my father are a case in point). No matter what we do in life, we'll be a disappointment to someone, piss someone off, get mildly in someone's way. Living up to everyone's expectations is impossible; one has only one life, and you have to manage your own life the best you can. That's been my personal philosophy since I was 22 and sick of being pulled to pieces in all directions. Alors, continue comme ça, Jen, c'est la seule façon d'être heureuse! Bonne Année!