A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no inspiration at all.

~Rita Mae Brown
Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement.

~Alfred Adler


On The Bedside Table
  • NOS4A2
    by Joe Hill
My Now
Old Writey Bits
My Thanks
Matt Fitzhardinge - Alaskan dogsledding header picture

Bits & Pieces..In No Particular Order

My birthday is July 12. This year, to my horror, I'll be 42.

Not a fan of felines, unless they weigh more than I do and hunt their own food.

I'm urban, not suburban. I grew up on an island.

Contrary to popular belief, I really am a blonde.

I eat meat - happily, constantly, unabashedly. It was only TWO cows, people, for the love of god, let...it...go.

I loved my dog more than any human I've ever met. Get over it. She had the cutest butt. It made up for mine.

Anything not nailed down is mine to play with.
Anything I can pry loose is "technically" not nailed down.

When I was little I was a tomboy. I guess I still am. I spent a lot of time in trees but there are no longer trees in my life. My dad called me "Junebugger". I guess I had an obsession with them and would carry them around in my pockets. I liked the name - it was a good memory - until I got older and found out what "bugger" meant. I occasionally use Junebug as a screen persona. I like it better without the 'er'.

There are some things I cannot tolerate. Let's get them out of the way:
Those who feel that they don't really need to do what they said they would.
newsflash - Save time. If you doubt your ability to do something, keep your mouth shut.

By the same token, there are some things I love, beyond all reason:
The Munchkin.
Books. I'm a book fiend.
Rain on the roof.
The Cabbage.

The thing I'm most proud of is making it this far alive.

The body part I'm in love with is my hipbone.

I squint when I smile. On my 30th birthday, my mother called and said, "Happy Birthday - I'm sending eye cream." She worries about wrinkles while I worry about walking into things because I can't see.

I don't act my age. Mostly cause I don't feel it or think I should have to. I'm far more intelligent than you think. Yet, sometimes, I'm far stupider than I think.

So far, I've been able to master anything I've put my mind to - my life is governed not by a lack of ability but by a lack of ambition and motivation.

I have two tattoos. One doesn't mean what it used to and one means ever more on a daily basis than it did.

When I was little, my mother told me that the faeries has switched me for one of their changeling babies. I was actually of a species called a "Jack". I grew up mostly convinced I was a faerie. Sometimes, when I remember the magic, I believe I still am and all the bad things in my life have happened because I started to think
too much like a human and stopped listening to my inner faerie.

I take in strays.

I like other people - I like to find their formative stories but I enjoy my own company just as much and require equal time. I like to think my friends understand this.

The most valuable thing I have learned about being around others is that everyone has one thing - a feature, personality facet, endearing trait - that you can love. If you focus on that one thing when they are in front of you, they will invariably feel that love and respond to you in positive ways. I remember this only about 40%
of the time but it is effective 90% of the time. I learned that from Jed, who, among other things, was the most charismatic person I've ever known.

I like to give people nicknames. I've had a lot of nicknames. My favorite was 'Snug'. I wonder where the originator of that name is now - I miss him, especially the way he spoke that one word.

My greatest failing is not being true to myself and the things I need. I'm still working on that. Sometimes I believe I'm succeeding. Sometimes I am positive I'm not.

I like quotes. I have one for everything. I write them down - everywhere - and am constantly frustrated when I can't find a particular one. I find belief in little bits - for want of a better explanation, I think it's my own little form of life
philosophy. A line in a book, a snippet of a lyric, an intriguing turn of phrase. I can't manage more than these little pieces, like a magpie gathering up shiny fragments of tinfoil. I don't even believe them all at the same time.

Sometimes my intentions aren't as transparent as I'd like them to be.

If you generalize me one too many times, I will walk away. ONE young boyfriend does not merit constant references like "Well, you like 'em young, don'tcha?" Returning to Victoria doesn't mean I couldn't "hack it" in Calgary. My choices don't mean I have no money, I just choose to do different things with it and in fact, I more than likely bring home twice as much money as you do. All "chicks" don't .... whatever. A short haircut does not a lesbian make. I could go on but I think you get the point. Which, actually, would put you farther ahead of everyone I've walked away from - since they didn't.

I've had eight surgeries in 17 years - losing a bit more of myself every time, although I still have my appendix and my tonsils. Sometimes I wake up from the anaesthetic and wonder - was that a piece I'll need someday? The last was done in 2005.

I make lists.

When I go somewhere new, I pick up a small rock. I try to label them in some way but don't always succeed or remember. They reside in strange places all over my life.

I write. But only snapshots of the things around me and only to get them out of my head so I can make them go away.

My real name is Jen.