Nine Months - The Birth of a Diagnosis

My 'official' diagnosis from the docs is musculoskeletal disorder. Most specifically - muscular function imbalance, joint dsyfunction and peripheral neuropathy causing incorrect learned cervical and lumbar muscle patterns and nerve impingement.

Sounds purty dang impressive until you realize them thar's fancy words for "long-term overtraining".

My family doctor figures that no matter what, it's permanent in the sense that throwing on a 50 lb rucksack and running around with a rifle will snap it right back, worse than before. Mostly due, I think, to the fact of it's severity, the lack of response to everything we tried (until now) and the constant amount of pain it's caused me over a period of (omygod) 11 months -despite doing practically nothing at all for the last 9.

So endeth the military section of my life and any possibility of killing me some commies (just kidding) (kind of).

Well, actually, so endeth it in two or three years while they decide to release me, fight about whose fault it is, offer/not offer a disability payout and then get around to doing all the paperwork.

And yes, I'm actually serious about the time frame.

A Little Joke

From a book I was reading. Couldn't resist.

St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention.

"Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"

"Sure," replied Jesus. " What do I have to do?"

"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."

"Sounds easy enough. OK."

So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand.

The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, " What was it you did for a living?"

The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.

"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."

Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost our son? Can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"

The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"

I think that ghosts like

the cooler weather

when leaves turn colour

they get together

and walk along

these old back roads

where no one lives

and no one goes

We Interrupt This Lack of Posting to....

Feel free to steal it, you know you want to.

it's a luscious mix of words and tricks

that let us bet when you know we should fold

on rocks I dreamt of where we'd stepped

and of the whole mess of roads we're now on

Buggered Pig

Heading North

This morning I am packing up the essentials, setting Cabot up with a couple days of food and an open window to spend the weekend alone and then early this afternoon, Vicky is picking me up as we clutch, each, our last few and scraped together dollars and get out of town.

I know we both need this. Equally. For such different reasons but neither the less from the other's point of view.

We're heading up first into Cumberland, BC to check into the Riding Fool Hostel before kicking back and relaxing, maybe playing a bit of pool in the lounge (this link is a virtual tour) while we map out our Saturday.

After all these years on the Island, I've never been to Cumberland - there's never been a reason to go - but as a mountain biker Vicky's heard about this hostel for a long time and has always wanted to stay there - I agreed, after all, it IS her birthday weekend.

I don't think we'll be doing any biking but hopefully the weather will hold and we'll get to do some hiking, maybe even to check out the view of the glacier below in Strathcona Provincial Park, the oldest provincial park in British Columbia (1911 - and the largest too). The "Buggered Pig" forest trail through the Cumberland Community Forest sounds like something that'd be interesting. For the name alone.

Maybe, if I'm lucky, we'll find this little bench a good place to have lunch. (clicking will biggie it to another window)

Saturday is Cinco de Mayo so we'll be celebrating that in a little Mexican restaurant called Tita's.

Sunday? Maybe another hike before checking out and heading back home, stopping along the way at the Calico Cat for a double tea leaf reading.

A good weekend to you all.

History in the Making

You are witnessing, Ladies and Gentlemen, a defining moment in Canadian History.

*click to biggie*

Although I'm sure the purists are *cringing* I can only lay the whole horrifying ice-cubes-in-the-beer thing on my friend Shari. She says it's some sort of Ontario thing but I'm pretty sure it's just a personal erm.. quirk and she's spreading her insanity across the country.

One the left, behold, the famous Kokanee beer. ("Fresh as a Mountain Stream. But Without the Moose Backwash.")

As a little side note here, the Kokanee is actually a species of freshwater salmon and back when I worked for the Fish & Wildlife Branch of the Ministry of Environment we (really did) have signs posted out in the wilderness that said, "It Is Illegal to Molest Spawning Kokanee". Really.

Second side note: this can actually belonged in Yeti's Care Package (each can has a teeny little Sasquatch climbing one of the mountains or snowboarding down), bound for Australia, but hey, I'm packing and wanted a cold beer. So, yeah, sorry. I'll get you another one, I promise.

On the right, is ma'beer. With ice.

That funny looking BROWN ice cube there? Well, that there is a Tim Horton's COFFEE ice cube!

A TIMBEER!

The best of both worlds. Two of the most beloved Canadian icons blended lovingly into one supercalifragilisticexpifreakingalidocious taste sensation. You are looking at the soul of Canada, people.

Am I a freaking genius, or what?

Days Like Today

Thanks Sal. I'll take a look. Am I shocked that you think it's the worst level? Nothing shocks me any more, frankly. Only, maybe, that I still think that someday I'll log into the boat and not have what I've become to think of as an 'outburst'.

Little tantrums.

But that's not going to happen, not on a day like today.

I've spent the last two weeks trying to recover even a bit of my hard drive.

Don't ask.

I said.. don't.

Through every fault of my own - too tired and numb to pay attention to what I was doing - I erased all of my music, photos, videos of the Munchkin... well, most of my heart, it seemed.

When it happened, all I could do is just stare blankly. I still haven't really reacted.

I've managed to pay money I don't have at the moment to recover roughly 200 of the 600 songs and the precious videos of Lacey but years of random photos from the internet at large and scads of photos of my own are no longer of this planet.

For anyone who's ever had to do a recovery, you will know how time-consuming and frustrating it is.

Last week, my mouse quit working and stupid stupid me - I've been waiting for someone who offered to drop one off for me for FIVE DAYS.

Today after Dr. Olympics did something to my sub-occipital lobe the trip to see Elmer and the bus ride home were, well, I don't even really remember them at this point and now I'm home with a USB mouse, a post and a plan to lie down in a dark place for a while until my head stops twitching back and forth between explosion and implosion.

It's after a couple of weeks like this that culminate in a day like today wherein I feel like I've lost my faith in the miracle of living. A day when nothing lifts my heart, when conversation is impossible, where any level of caring for anyone or anything at all just doesn't exist, no matter how far within I look.

It's days like today when I finally and fully understand my own strength and the sheer weight of relying on myself alone for otherwise how could I have made it for so long with so few days like it?

I know a place, y'all

(I'll take you there)

Ain't nobody cryin' there

(I'll take you there)

Ain't nobody worried, y'all

(I'll take you there)

No smilin' faces

(I'll take you there)