A Cat, An Angel and A Perfect Ending

Hmm, so where do I start with the Cabot lost and found story?

A quick recap - I'd left him with my brother on May 2nd and by the time I called to say I was coming home on the 23rd, he'd been missing for 'a week and a half'.

It came out a little later that no one had even noticed he was gone for a day or two.

My brother drove out to the SPCA every day to see if he'd been picked up and spoken to his neighbors and put posters up around the neighborhood.

If the decision hadn't been made to not tell me - I could have told them that the SPCA only picks up injured cats and actually posts pictures of them online every day. I could have told them to put alerts online in the places I did, to let the local police know since it's the police that handle non-injured cats these days and to check (also online) the daily postings of found cats.

I could have told them a hundred places to look for him.

I've heard the comments that "Some people just don't understand the bond between pets and owners.". I've heard all the reasons that the decision was made to not tell me.

I have the following points to make before I go back to the story...

One. It took me ONLY TWO DAYS to find him once I was home.
Two. The plan was not to tell me until I got home. If I hadn't been hurt that would have been at the end of June. Not the end of May. That would have destroyed any chance of ever finding him.
Three. If you've known me for 36 years it is absolutely impossible to miss the simple fact that my pets are my life.
Four. Since I don't like children and can't quite understand how people get so attached to them it seems to me that if I lost your child and decided not to tell you, well then, that would be perfectly alright. Because to people who love their pets - those pets ARE THEIR CHILDREN. You can try to tell me it's not the same thing till you're blue in the face but as far as I'm concerned, from MY point of view at the other end of it, it IS the same thing. I can acknowledge (although maybe not understand) the bond that people have with their children - all I expect is the same in return. One of the people involved actually said to me, "What would make you feel better? Should we just buy you another cat?"

Okay so.... I had requested to put an ad in the paper on the day after I got home (Friday) - they only process ad requests Mon - Fri so I was a little suprised when I got a phone call from the paper saying that they'd put it in for free for Sunday and Monday and I could just let them know on Monday if I needed to extend it.

The one good thing about Cabot's time on the streets is that it's left him looking pretty distinctive for a black and white cat. Well, along with the extra thumbs, that is.

On Sunday morning at 9 am the phone rang. The voice on the other end said to me, "I'm calling about the ad in the paper? Your little boy is fine."

The lady who was calling is a retired nurse. She lives on the same road as my brother - his house number is 3326 and hers is 3342. That would be 6 - 8 houses away.

Apparantly her back yard intersects with a ton of 'cat trails' throughout the neighborhood and, in addition to her three cats, a lot of the local cats visit during the day. She had noticed Cabot right away but because he went away at night she thought that he lived nearby.

One night, about a week before I came home, it was stormy and the raccoons were out and about and she said that she found Cabot sleeping on a lounger on her porch so she decided at that point to bring him inside.

He absolutely settled right in, got along really well with her cats and acted the polite and lovely gentleman for the entire week.

Marjorie (for that is her name) kept saying over and over to me how every day she'd look at him and think, "I wish my cats were more like him, he's such a wonderful cat." That one night she had a bit of a sore shoulder and he climbed right up and lay on it - presumably to try and make her feel better.

In the past, she's found and returned four cats to their owners so she is a bit of an old hand with these situations and had been watching the neighborhood for posters. She never saw one and I'm not even going to get into that piece of info.

She's used to people calling for their cats at night but she did say that looking back, she heard Vicki and I calling for him on the Thursday night. Of course, she couldn't have known his name - she'd nicknamed him "Polly" since he's polydactyl.

Normally when I've left him and I return it takes him a week or so to be comfortable again - to chase his tail or play with his toys. That Sunday, within three hours he was happily engaging in the never-ending quest to kill his own appendage and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the best endorsement of a caretaker that Cabot has the ability to give.

Marjorie has made me promise that if I am to go away again I am to leave Cabot with her. Even for July and August.

In one fell swoop that day, she returned my little man and removed any future worry I may have had about finding and trusting someone to take care of him ever again.

I will never be able to thank her enough.

Catching Up On The Blog World

Oh. Yes.

What I was going to say was: I'll probably never see you again, you know.
What I was wanting to say was: Being with you makes every other relationship feel like it was practise. Rehearsal.

What I was going to say was: You're not ready for this. You're not ready for me.
What I was wanting to say was: I would do anything for you. Be anywhere for you. Leave everything to be with you.

What I was going to say was: I can't bear to hear the well-meaning promise that never materialises, to crucify myself in waiting. I can't stand to see you so shut down. Locked away.
What I was wanting to say was: You say you're being pulled ten ways, but you're not. You're being pulled one. You're the king of your gaolhouse.

What I was going to say was: I can't bear to be another person who manipulates you, makes more demands. I'm not going to twist and pull at you like that.
What I was wanting to say was: You changed me, you scarred me, you made the world real again.

What I was going to say was: It hurts too much to see you. It hurts too much to wait for you. It hurts too much to worry for you.
What I was wanting to say was: You're the most important thing in the world.

What I was going to say was: I barely even know you.

And then I realise if I let my fears do all the talking, then I make all of my fears real. And suddenly I don't know what the motherfucking cunting sodding HELL I want to say to you, you bastard.

Not one fucking word.

Not one fucking word.

Encouragement Pre-Post 4. The Things I Take With Me.

Also from CJ, from an old comic book.

Encouragement Pre-Post 3. The Things I Take With Me.

A few years ago I had given my friend CJ in Calgary a few of my old TinTin books that I'd had since I went to England when I was 12. He runs a video store called Instant Video on 4th Street SW and he and his girlfriend have turned one room of it into a little shop they call...erm... something to do with a turtle. Painted Turtle, maybe?

Anyways,they make little interesting things and sell them. When I visited earlier in April, CJ presented me with two journals he'd made and asked me to choose one so that he could give it to me.

This is the one I picked.



The day before I left I took it back to him and said (he's a great artist and a very witty fella) that he'd have to draw a picture for me so I could take it on Basic Training with me. Not that I really want to *gasp* write in a journal, per se, but I think they'll take my little computer away from me for the first month.

Anyways, in all the hullabaloo I forget to go back and pick it up so he kindly mailed it to me - with the caveat that he did the work quickly since he thought he only had an hour or two.

At the top of the page is dogtags that say "Good Luck" followed by...

Movies you should see...

Force Jen from Navarone
Thin Redheaded Line (sometimes blonde)
Apocalipstick Now
GI Jen
Catch-36
Jenhead (alright I'm done)

(the 36 is reference to my age in case you missed that)

Below that is his drawing...


Man, I love him.

Encouragement Pre-Post 1. The Things I Take With Me.

Jen,also, who makes me cry and giggle all at once.

13. There's a lady I know, and love without end, who is hours away from embarking on what could be the adventure of a lifetime. It is also very scary, as it involves words like "basic training" and "military" and "siryessir" and "run til you puke" and "survival of the fittest" and "has anyone seen my putrid green underwear? I know they were just here with my putrid green pants" and the like.

My wonderful coworker/massage therapist.

Wishing you strength and love during your 9 week adventure. Take good care of yourself and know that we will be rooting for you here. It was good to see you the other day and I'm glad the lymphatics allowed you a night of wonderful rest. Blessings and love to you.

My stepmother's final words...

Have a good time. Remember it's all a game. Your part is to do as you're told and keep your mouth shut. Shouldn't be too hard for you! Ha ha.

I assume you have Quinn's phone number. If you need to talk call us feel free. We're experienced with the crisises, fear phone calls.

My wonderful friend Phil

And you kick ass out there. Show em how it's done.

The quote on the card that Vicki gave me today.

This fleeting world
is like a star at dawn,
a bubble in a stream,
a flash of lightning
in a summer cloud,
a flickering lamp,
a phantom, and a dream...

The Diamond Sutra

There are others too numerous to mention in detail, a "last dinner" with Vicki and some great little gifts, emails from friends, comments in the posts, the best hand cream EVER, a couple cards and a cake at work, new runners, phone cards, phone calls, friends who have gone above and beyond over the last few looong weeks - helping with the car mess, driving me around, taking care of the apartment and the plants. I could go on but I'm writing all these posts at 11 pm and I still have to wax my legs!

Just know that if(when) I make it through this - you all can take credit for it as well, because the things in this post, and the few that follow, as well as the things I haven't mentioned, will be the things that keep me strong.

Thank you, from the bottom of my putrid green little heart.

Time Out of Mind - A Moment For A Birthday

There was nothing rough about the way he kissed her, although there was a kind of banked-down hunger, as if this was something he had been fighting to keep in check. Instant attraction, she thought, feeling an astonished spiral of delight soar. Then I was right after all. I don't really care if he's a former devil-worshipper. He's Scheherazade and Schahriar, and he's Keats and Byron and the Medici princes all rolled up into one ... I've never met anyone like him - I don't think there is anyone like him. And he'll probably spoil me for anyone else.

When at last they lay back, his head on her shoulder, her spinning mind finally slowing into a deep intense calm, thought it was if they had created an armour of warmth and safety. In a minute, in just another minute they would have to go out into the night. Only I'll be armoured. I'll have this to wrap around me. I don't know how long it'll last - the wrap I mean - and I don't really know how effective it'll be, but I think it might last for quite a long time. I think I was right about being spoiled for anyone else, as well. I don't know whether to be glad or sorry.

-She thought that like this, she could walk towards anything on earth and not be afraid.-

It was one of those moments to be stored away with immense care, and only unwrapped and looked at when you were absolutely alone.

Dean Koontz

let me slide in your direction, let me poke you full of holes
let me mimic your reflections, let me strike up all your poses
let me curse you with my sickness, let me cure you with my love
add my randomness and chaos to the things that you're sure of

let me show you what I'm good for, let me find out what you're not
let me piece it all together from the things that I forgot
let me hold on to this picture that you cut yourself out of
let me paste a perfect copy on the track marks of our love

Reciprocity

Some of you may remember that I wrote my little sister a graduation letter last year. (It's here if you'd like to read it.)

She's never said anything about the letter so I've never been sure how she felt about it. Which doesn't matter, really, but is a little relevant to what I'm going to say next.

Yesterday, I came home to an email from her.

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Jen

I remember back to last June when all of you were at the Victoria airport saying goodbye to me. It feels like it was yesterday. Now, it is crazy that you are heading off to BMQ so soon. I think the best thing for me to do is write you a letter, just like you did for me back then. (Except it’s an email…because I am running out of time!) Mine, however, will include everything that I learned over my past summer…I know I am younger and have a totally different perspective on life than you but I hope that if you have any trouble you can think back to what I have to say.

I am not going to lie. It will be a long…long summer for you. At any given moment you will feel proud, like shit and giddy all at the same time. Through my eight weeks I don’t think I realized that every person on the course with me was feeling it. Trust me…they all are. You might feel out of place, no you will feel like you’re not meant to be there…but push on….

Take the time to know those who are on course with you…especially the girls that you will live with. I lived with five girls for the entire summer; during the course I only got along with one of them. But the moment that I got to RMC, I became best friends with the one I had disliked the most. Take everything that happens with a grain of salt. I am telling you that you will get rushed in the moment and make rash decisions that really are not necessary. You do not realize how stressed out every single person is, including yourself. You will get annoyed…but the key is to remember that everyone is just as annoyed by you…

Take the moments you’re given to chill…Any nights that you have off…any weekends that you get leave (expect that after a month probably)…any breaks in the field to pass out under a tree….and the best chance (and most fun): the range…try and take a little time to yourself…not a lot or else you’ll become a loner…but keep peace with yourself and your body…it will be very difficult because you will almost always have something to be doing…but you will thank yourself when you get to the field..

Become friends with those who have experience…yes I know that sounds mean but still! It might be difficult because very few will have any at all…and no that does not include those who just think that they have experience…but those with the experience will make your course that much easier. The guy that I dated on my course (Christy says that is the worst thing you could do…I personally think it kept me sane) had been in the Scottish Infantry Regiment in Nanaimo for two years and was a Corporal. He not only kept me focused because of his different perspective but also helped me with the technical stuff. He explained what to expect in the field (taking less than you think you’ll need) and showed me how to set up and make my ruck sack comfortable (basically the higher and smaller the better…but keep the weight on your waist…you’re shoulders will die faster)

Yes, you will stand out, it is natural…you have to realize that you will never be that ‘grey man’ that every soldier strives to be. The sergeants will know your name from the start. First, because it isn’t that hard; I mean it is only 4 letters long plus it’s not French. Second, you are a female. Pretty damn obvious. You just have to realize that no matter how much you think they don’t believe in you, trust you or even like you…they probably have the same feelings for you as they do for the next guy. The thing about the position you’re in is that every sergeant was there back in their day.

Keep doing push ups…if you are like me….at the end of the day (when you get some spare time) you will just want to rest. But when it comes down to it…try and do a couple sets of push ups every night…I’m not talking a lot, maybe just ten really slow ones right before you go to bed. When it comes to doing the CF Express Test, it will help a ton. (Take my word. When I got to basic, they counted one ‘real and standard’ CF push up….on my PT test at RMC last week I did 21. That’s due to doing push ups every time I think about it before bed.)

Don’t Complain…in the long run it does not fix anything plus you will be seen as ‘weaker’…just tough it through. Once you look back, the entire course will become a blur. I personally don’t remember the difference between my second and sixth week. Because honestly, there was no difference. You were tired and sore for the entire thing so why complain for over two months straight. Make it part of your life…or else it will kill you…slowly

Work pattern…at the beginning try and stay as grey as you possibly can. As I said this is hard because we’re females but try to not let the sergeants know your name for the first couple weeks. Don’t do anything absolutely amazing or too shitty. If everyone is doing something wrong, don’t be the brave and only one to do it properly. Do it wrong with everyone else. You are (and I was…maybe just not as much as you) supposed to make mistakes. That is the way that you’re supposed to learn. You are allowed to fuck up. It is natural…and expected…

Expect to work hard….not just because you will be yelled out if you don’t...but because you should expect it from yourself…

Expect to hurt hard...well a lot…I’m not going to lie. I hope for your sake that your beds don’t have ladders attached to them that you have to climb down. With calves, abs and thighs that hurt to walk let alone climb down, ladders are your enemy. I had it in the summer and I had it in my first month at RMC. It kills.

But Most Importantly….

Just do it…don’t think about it….I’m talking about the blisters on your heels and toes that burn and tingle….the heat that’s moist and icky…the damp combats that stick to your body…or the chaffing on your inner thighs (that’s what shorts are for)….nothing….except….the end of the course because…

It will end…and sooner than you think
The more fun you have = The sooner it is done
(I learned that the hard way)

I know Jen, I am not only younger than you, but I am in a totally different position in my life. I’ll be honest…I hated my course…I hated the entire summer…but looking back: it was not that bad. At the end you will look back and realize that it was just a short period in your long life that you tried something new. You not only will do things that many Canadians will never do, but you’re also learning things that most people don’t even think about. How many other females have done the things I have done? And the things you are about to encounter.

Of course, because I have been there I’m expecting a phone call from a wailing and complaining you. Christy, I’m sure will be there too.

But at the end of it….you will be proud that you did it. And happy from what you took out of it. You will create totally new bonds with people, not only because you spend 24 hours with them…or shower with them….or even just run with them every morning…but because you have experienced something most never have the chance let alone do.

I love you….And I wish you all the luck in the world (even though you don’t need it because I know you will do it just fine!)

Your little sister,

Quinn


Dear Jen,

My name is also Jen… I am the most disliked one.. or I was.. at least it’s a was…lol. Anyway, I just felt the need to add my little bit of advice. I found the summer very hard, and since I’m told that I’m a lot like you (by Quinn of course) I figured I’d say something.

I wanted to quit from pretty much the first week in. I was not at all prepared mentally or physically. From what I hear, you are physically prepared though so that will be a BIG (read HUGE) asset for you. All I really have to say is that it’s the people that you’re with that will get you through. They make it all worth it. The right person can make a 13km ruck march with blistered feet, 3 hours of sleep (that’s pretty much in a week), in 30 degree weather at 6am seem fun… in a sick, sadistic way… really, just learning to take everything with a grain of salt and finding that little bit of humour in all the shit that you have to take will keep you sane… or maybe it makes you insane… who the heck knows, it just works. Honest. I wish you the best of luck, and no worries, even when the shit hits the fan, you’ll have an entire team standing behind you. And really, if Quinn can do it, anyone can. (I am totally joking by the way) Best of luck to you…

Jenna

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I would say something here but I don't think I need to - I'll bet you understand.