Tuesday
Oct252005
Reflection
Tuesday, October 25, 2005 at 02:51PM
Monday, October 17, night
It's interesting to find that I am the one here whom everyone is interested in because I'm the one here who is different..
I tire of myself though - I don't want to hear the stories I already know. I want to hear the ones I haven't heard - the ones that will show me the way... where? Show me the way into and out of myself. Show me the right way, the good way, the direction I am to go.
The point here is not to emulate other lives or wear their clothes and maybe not even try their shoes ON for any amount of time. The point is to find sense. To find a way to solidify my own beliefs by gorging myself on all the other truths I can find.
To not just see the unseen doors, not just open them but to blow them right off their hinges.
In moments like this one, right now, I think that maybe what to believe exactly may not turn out to be more important as the daring act of belief itself.
Is it more important to believe you can do anything and yet do nothing? Or is the magic in not believing you can do something but suddenly finding yourself doing exactly that?
I guess that most people would say that there's a balance there to find and some may even say that the finding of the balance is the important thing. I don't disagree with that - my life has been one long struggle to find a balance - but there is a part of me that whispers deep down inside that the crucial moments come under the heading of willingness.
The willingness to participate in life. To experience the color red. To be part of sunlight. To feel a moment as a tree. To agree to enter into a conspiracy of sorts with life itself - on behalf of joy and fear, both the predator and the prey - in order to come away changed.
Isn't that, after all, the whole point?
It's interesting to find that I am the one here whom everyone is interested in because I'm the one here who is different..
I tire of myself though - I don't want to hear the stories I already know. I want to hear the ones I haven't heard - the ones that will show me the way... where? Show me the way into and out of myself. Show me the right way, the good way, the direction I am to go.
The point here is not to emulate other lives or wear their clothes and maybe not even try their shoes ON for any amount of time. The point is to find sense. To find a way to solidify my own beliefs by gorging myself on all the other truths I can find.
To not just see the unseen doors, not just open them but to blow them right off their hinges.
In moments like this one, right now, I think that maybe what to believe exactly may not turn out to be more important as the daring act of belief itself.
Is it more important to believe you can do anything and yet do nothing? Or is the magic in not believing you can do something but suddenly finding yourself doing exactly that?
I guess that most people would say that there's a balance there to find and some may even say that the finding of the balance is the important thing. I don't disagree with that - my life has been one long struggle to find a balance - but there is a part of me that whispers deep down inside that the crucial moments come under the heading of willingness.
The willingness to participate in life. To experience the color red. To be part of sunlight. To feel a moment as a tree. To agree to enter into a conspiracy of sorts with life itself - on behalf of joy and fear, both the predator and the prey - in order to come away changed.
Isn't that, after all, the whole point?
Reader Comments (2)
And also? I miss you terribly. Are you ever coming home?