Monday
Apr182005
Bleurgh.
Monday, April 18, 2005 at 02:37PM
It's 3 am. I've dozed about 15 minutes since midnight. My bones ache. My muscles are sore. Standing up makes me sway and clutch. I can't breathe, moving my head in any direction only prompts a weird drip from my nose, arm reaching out to grab another roll of toilet paper. My throat is dry, breathing only makes it drier, water doesn't help.
The cat stares.
And my face hurts. Oh, it hurts. My entire head. My jaw.
I'm staying home again today, like I did Friday. Every day I stay home increases the proportion of the coldness and radiating waves of disapproval I'll receive when returning to work with the people who drag themselves in no matter what. Who, because they do so, gave this to me in the first place.
It's funny, a little, because I used to drag myself in. I never expected anyone else to, though. But, I don't care, because I'm smarter. Because I've learned that loyalty is nothing - not these days. Mine or theirs. I learned that whether it's a cold, a sinus infection, the death of a pet, or cancer - there's no reward for torturing yourself in the name of the 'job'.
I refuse to spend two weeks being sick and dragging myself around when I could just spend four days in a pool of my own sweat and be done with it. I don't watch daytime TV, I've built this site 10 minutes at a time in the last few days, there's no food I can eat, there's no sleep I can get and mostly, it hurts too much to read. It's not like I'm having any fun.
On the upside though, at 6 pm last night, I emailed the support people here with a question. I got an answer at 8:30 am. An answer that actually answered my question.
Imagine. I thought I was hallucinating.
I like this place. I think I'm going to be very happy here.
The cat stares.
And my face hurts. Oh, it hurts. My entire head. My jaw.
I'm staying home again today, like I did Friday. Every day I stay home increases the proportion of the coldness and radiating waves of disapproval I'll receive when returning to work with the people who drag themselves in no matter what. Who, because they do so, gave this to me in the first place.
It's funny, a little, because I used to drag myself in. I never expected anyone else to, though. But, I don't care, because I'm smarter. Because I've learned that loyalty is nothing - not these days. Mine or theirs. I learned that whether it's a cold, a sinus infection, the death of a pet, or cancer - there's no reward for torturing yourself in the name of the 'job'.
I refuse to spend two weeks being sick and dragging myself around when I could just spend four days in a pool of my own sweat and be done with it. I don't watch daytime TV, I've built this site 10 minutes at a time in the last few days, there's no food I can eat, there's no sleep I can get and mostly, it hurts too much to read. It's not like I'm having any fun.
On the upside though, at 6 pm last night, I emailed the support people here with a question. I got an answer at 8:30 am. An answer that actually answered my question.
Imagine. I thought I was hallucinating.
I like this place. I think I'm going to be very happy here.
Reader Comments (7)
you have my blessing to remain where you are until you decide otherwise.
feel better soon.
("HTML will be escaped", it says, when i post a comment here. if the HTML can be escaped, so can you.)
You are so right.
Hope you're feeling better soon Jen.
I hope you feel better soon.
Take Care
Michael
Get well soon. Stew. Snuffling. Hugging knees.
Hope you feel better. Soon.