Friday
May132005
Thank God It's Finally Friday, I Just Can't Concentrate *Anymore* (edited, a little)
Friday, May 13, 2005 at 06:52PM
It's almost too bad that I haven't been here long enough to vote, considering that it seems that British Columbia has 45 different parties. I'm just unsure as to which one I'd actually pick....
In between a load of new and exciting books there's errands, chores, shopping and dinner with B on Saturday. Wade is heading out from Calgary to see the Lenny Kravitz show in Vancouver before heading here on Sunday to bring me some REAL tequila. Well, and a big brunch as well but I'm mostly excited about the first decent tequila I'll have had in 5 months.
Phil told me a while ago that she always gave herself the same amount of time to deal with a breakup as they were together and I've been hoping that this would be true for me. I'd never felt this way before and although I didn't want to have dealt with it, because I felt (and feel) that I'd never be okay with it and although I don't think I will ever be able to say I've "gotten over" him, I can tell you that I wouldn't trade that time for all the anythings in the world.
That is partly because I'd never felt that way in my 35 years, partly because I recognized my own worth and how that felt to be reflected unconditionally from someone I accepted unconditionally, (and how amazing that really is), partly because I finally (and maybe only that once) allowed myself to give everything I am and everything I treasure to someone else but only partly because I believe that I found a relationship that nothing else will ever top - the one I held out for all these years. The one that spoiled me for anything else, whether it was pure or not, I believe that it was true.
And worth it. All.
And even though he has some issues of his own and even though he may never really 'feel' for anyone, I can absolutely guarantee that 10 and 20 and 30 years from now, he'll be missing me.
As I'll be missing him.
..BUT
...that, overall, these days I'm pretty damn happy with my decisions and with the direction things are going and where I am when I take a moment to sit down and take a look around me.
After all, look what I have wrought in so short a time. Look at what I have chosen and adjusted to and made my own. Look at what I believe I will do.
But, now, I have a slightly ill-advised hungry dinner shopping choice of Cheemo perogies and Sleeman's Cream Ale (which is *never* a bad choice) waiting for me.
the jig is up, the news is out
B.C. is home of the Work Less Party of British Columbia and the Sex Party -- natural allies, one might think -- as well as an individualistic entity known as the Party Of Citizens Who Have Decided To Think For Themselves And Be Their Own Politicians, or POCWHDTTFTABTOP for short. There's the B.C. Marijuana Party, which is growing perilously close to mainstream, and two separatist parties: the Western Canada Concept Party of B.C. and the Bloc British Columbia Party. There's the People of British Columbia Millionaires Party, which would sell B.C. to a willing buyer for $1 million per registered voter.
There's an Idealists Party, too. But, then, aren't they all?
- sell it and use most to all of the equity to travel - right about now, once the elevators are fixed - my profit would be about 45% over what I paid for it (not bad for a dummy and her first house)
- let it sit and continue to rent it out and try a different 'tactic' to get the equity out for travelling and subsidizing the difference between cost and income
- renovate, sell and buy either a) a low-cost place for my mom to live for what she pays now OR b) a piece of land that could actually end up being that cabin in the damn woods with a room full of books and a million animals that I'm not coming out of unless I have to dream I've always had (and even have floor plans for) - both of which would involve leaving money behind but would carry the added bonus of leaving me with an investment
In between a load of new and exciting books there's errands, chores, shopping and dinner with B on Saturday. Wade is heading out from Calgary to see the Lenny Kravitz show in Vancouver before heading here on Sunday to bring me some REAL tequila. Well, and a big brunch as well but I'm mostly excited about the first decent tequila I'll have had in 5 months.
Phil told me a while ago that she always gave herself the same amount of time to deal with a breakup as they were together and I've been hoping that this would be true for me. I'd never felt this way before and although I didn't want to have dealt with it, because I felt (and feel) that I'd never be okay with it and although I don't think I will ever be able to say I've "gotten over" him, I can tell you that I wouldn't trade that time for all the anythings in the world.
That is partly because I'd never felt that way in my 35 years, partly because I recognized my own worth and how that felt to be reflected unconditionally from someone I accepted unconditionally, (and how amazing that really is), partly because I finally (and maybe only that once) allowed myself to give everything I am and everything I treasure to someone else but only partly because I believe that I found a relationship that nothing else will ever top - the one I held out for all these years. The one that spoiled me for anything else, whether it was pure or not, I believe that it was true.
And worth it. All.
And even though he has some issues of his own and even though he may never really 'feel' for anyone, I can absolutely guarantee that 10 and 20 and 30 years from now, he'll be missing me.
As I'll be missing him.
..BUT
...that, overall, these days I'm pretty damn happy with my decisions and with the direction things are going and where I am when I take a moment to sit down and take a look around me.
After all, look what I have wrought in so short a time. Look at what I have chosen and adjusted to and made my own. Look at what I believe I will do.
But, now, I have a slightly ill-advised hungry dinner shopping choice of Cheemo perogies and Sleeman's Cream Ale (which is *never* a bad choice) waiting for me.
Reader Comments (2)
Mine sits in the woods on a snow covered mountaintop in New Hampshire, though. So there's that wee difference.
Package finally in post. Tracking number to be forwarded via email. My apologies for my quite typical procrastination in such matters.
yeah, i've heard the "wait the same length of time you were together" thing before, too. i've also heard the "wait half the length of time you were together" thing. and the "you'll know when you're ready" thing. and the "it'll just happen" thing. and the "love will find you when you're not looking" thing. and the "if you love it, set it free" thing. and the "wait till she's out of your system" thing. and the "you need hookers and booze" thing. and the "that's too much hookes and booze" thing. and the "jeezus, man, get your ass into rehab" thing. and the "you always take things too literally and too far" thing.
i've heard it all, and it's crap. well. some of it. maybe. who knows? mostly, i'm going with: "the past, was, be here now...now, is, be here now."
ain't promising to do it well at it.
"and a million animals that I'm not coming out of unless I have to." <--can i quote you out of context? please? :D