Saturday
Mar182006
Eight Sides to Every Story
Saturday, March 18, 2006 at 10:42PM
My culinary genius of a step-mother has been off work for the last year (and a bit) with a cracked something-or-other in her lower back.
She offered last week to track pricing for me for my trip to Mexico and has done an amazing job of searching out resorts and reviews, tracking them and their prices in a spreadsheet and picking up books for me to peruse. She did the same thing a few weeks ago for my little sister (her child) so that they could go to Cuba during their reading week from military university.
I dreamt last night of someone questioning me about her. Yes, it's true we had many MANY issues over the years, yes, it's true that even last week when she insisted that I had once told my grandmother I was a lesbian and no one believed that I would never have done that, and it is true as well that there are times when I absolutely loathe her way of 'helping', it's true that during many crises in my life she has not reacted the way I hoped she would - but in the end she has always been and will continue to be a major force in my life.
When I took Matt home for dinner, only the second boyfriend in all my life I had done so, she made all of his favorite foods.
Because I asked her to.
Last week she held up the family's routine to make me my favorite food.
Because I didn't ask her to.
In a very large way she communicates badly through words but fantastically through action.
I've always had a very hard time with that in that I used to believe in words and then I tried to believe in action (with Matt) before finding out that others can make you believe whatever they want you to believe. Or what it they want / think you should believe
No matter what I try and believe in - every single time it has broken my heart.
I don't think there is any way to get it right.
I have a ton of mostly resolved issues with my father but I can say, with all honesty, for the most part she made him happy. I'm not so sure that my mother ever did. The way he dealt with Quinn, my little sister, I think was in a large part due to my step-mother. Which, in a very huge way, highlights all the strange things my mother did that prevented any sort of connection wtih my father.
I have always tried not to be a bitter '1st marriage child' but there are times when that is unavoidable. Quinn has experienced things I've never seen. She loves our father in a way that was never even an option for me. Not only because of him, because of circumstances but because of my mother.
Sometimes, life is strange. Sometimes, the things we think as 'given' really aren't. Sometimes, people show their love in ways we don't understand. In ways we don't want because we assume certain things about love and how that is shown.
Sometimes, we just need to take a deep breath and see something from someone else's point of view.
To see what love means to other people.
She offered last week to track pricing for me for my trip to Mexico and has done an amazing job of searching out resorts and reviews, tracking them and their prices in a spreadsheet and picking up books for me to peruse. She did the same thing a few weeks ago for my little sister (her child) so that they could go to Cuba during their reading week from military university.
I dreamt last night of someone questioning me about her. Yes, it's true we had many MANY issues over the years, yes, it's true that even last week when she insisted that I had once told my grandmother I was a lesbian and no one believed that I would never have done that, and it is true as well that there are times when I absolutely loathe her way of 'helping', it's true that during many crises in my life she has not reacted the way I hoped she would - but in the end she has always been and will continue to be a major force in my life.
When I took Matt home for dinner, only the second boyfriend in all my life I had done so, she made all of his favorite foods.
Because I asked her to.
Last week she held up the family's routine to make me my favorite food.
Because I didn't ask her to.
In a very large way she communicates badly through words but fantastically through action.
I've always had a very hard time with that in that I used to believe in words and then I tried to believe in action (with Matt) before finding out that others can make you believe whatever they want you to believe. Or what it they want / think you should believe
No matter what I try and believe in - every single time it has broken my heart.
I don't think there is any way to get it right.
I have a ton of mostly resolved issues with my father but I can say, with all honesty, for the most part she made him happy. I'm not so sure that my mother ever did. The way he dealt with Quinn, my little sister, I think was in a large part due to my step-mother. Which, in a very huge way, highlights all the strange things my mother did that prevented any sort of connection wtih my father.
I have always tried not to be a bitter '1st marriage child' but there are times when that is unavoidable. Quinn has experienced things I've never seen. She loves our father in a way that was never even an option for me. Not only because of him, because of circumstances but because of my mother.
Sometimes, life is strange. Sometimes, the things we think as 'given' really aren't. Sometimes, people show their love in ways we don't understand. In ways we don't want because we assume certain things about love and how that is shown.
Sometimes, we just need to take a deep breath and see something from someone else's point of view.
To see what love means to other people.
Reader Comments (1)
To see what love means to other people.</i>
and THAT'S when real love can begin