S.H.I.T. - Society to Highlight Ingrate Terms

I work (well, back when I worked) with someone who just doesn't like me. And I don't like her - I can, however, admit that it's personal. I don't like her because.... well, I could give you lots of reasons, but you don't know her (most likely) and they're all not work related, so who cares? Let it be enough to say that I, personally, to and for myself, have valid reasons. When questioned, her reasons for not liking me are because I'm a) bad at my job (I'm not), b) bad with the patients (hello? not) and c) I swear too much.

Kay, I'm the first to admit I'm a foul-mouthed army bitch. Considering that I work with 50 year old men who routinely say things like "What the fucking fuck is this? What the fuck is this shit here for? Why the hell do we have this motherfucking crap all over the fucking place?" all in one breath (seriously) and maybe you don't like dem dere cuss words but if I'm not swearing constantly (see above) or at the patients and I don't talk TO YOU, then maybe, just maybe, you need to come up with a better and honest reason for not liking me.

Like, maybe, you JUST.DON'T.LIKE.ME.

I'd respect that, at least.

I can respect someone not liking me. I can't, however, respect someone who personally doesn't like me but uses that to undermine my day to day work life. Cause (and I think this escapes most people these days) PERSONAL and PROFESSIONAL are two different things.

Anyways, somewhere in my long list of favorites I've earmarked Why I Love Cuss Words and so, today, I'm sharing it with you.

Or should I say, "I'm sharing it with you, ya fuckers."

All of this is why, to get to the point, I have launched the Society to Highlight Ingrate Terms (SHIT). Just as the National Rifle Association believes that a good gun owner is an educated gun owner, SHIT reminds its members that cuss words relieve a tremendous amount of tension, but only if used with respect for their power. SHIT will educate people to use swear words properly. For instance, shit is an all-purpose word; cussers should use it when failing an exam or watching a favorite team cost you $20 by blowing a huge lead. However, if you use lose more than $20, that's a fuck. If you're dealing with the IRS, that might be a shit or a fuck, depending on who did your taxes; if you're dealing with the FBI or ATF, that's always a fuck.

Among other cuss words, asshole is good for the boss or moron coworkers or in-laws, but motherfucker should be reserved for more weighty situations, such as when a mugger shoots you even after you give him your wallet, or you realize you're slipping off the edge of the Grand Canyon as you back up for a family photo. I hear motherfucker invoked for the simplest of transgressions, such as a foul during a basketball game. No, no, no! "Fuck you" will suffice, or maybe "What the hell?" Motherfucker is a fairly serious accusation.

Membership in SHIT is free, but we do expect members to uphold certain standards. Children must be encouraged to use cuss words properly, or not at all (if a toddler wants to say shit when he falls on his face, he'll say it. Give him time). We do not swear at police officers, because they have guns. And although swear words exist in all languages, SHIT uses the English standard. Members are, however, permitted to say "Pardon my French."

Should you lack the control to use cuss words only when warranted, you may suspend your membership by saying aloud in front of two witnesses, "Fuck SHIT." Remember to burn your membership card.

And, just so I'm on record as saying this - Dressler? If you're ever actually going to swear, it better be within my hearing. MCpl MF is SO not deserving of that particular honor.

Comments

[Killer]

Very subtle Jen.I'll think about it...

[Jen]

Subtle is not in my vocabulary. You should know that.

Killer! ha!