Rules for the Emergency Room

I found this amusing, after working in the hospital, and, even though at the moment, I hate everyone who works in one.

Rules for the Emergency Room

1. If it requires an ambulance team and an entire truck of firefighters to safely place and transport you on a stretcher, it is time to go on a diet.

2. Never start out by saying, 'I was searching the Internet....'

3. If you have one of these four, go to your own doctor in the morning: a migraine, the flu, a stomach virus, or a stuffy nose. (I'd add one more to this - if you punched a wall, fell down, wrenched something A FEW DAYS AGO, you don't need to be in the ER, you can wait 12 more hours to see your doctor.)

4. We have priorities. We understand that you've been waiting for two hours in the waiting room. If you don't want to wait, make an appointment with a doctor. That little old lady that just walked in looking okay is probably having a massive heart attack. That is why she goes first.

5. If you are a female between the age of 16 and 42 and your last period was between 28 and 35 days ago, please don't waste our time if you are here for abdominal pain and vaginal bleeding. Guess what!?! You got your period - AGAIN!

6. If you see someone pushing a big cart down the hall at full speed and you hear bells going off, do not ask for a cup of coffee. Someone is dying, you inconsiderate asshole.

7. If you can bitch about the blood pressure cuff being too tight, or the IV hurting, you are not in that much pain.

8. If you want a pillow, two blankets and the lights dimmed, go to the Ramada.

9. If you have any sort of stomach pain and you ask for something to eat, you are not sick.

10. Please don't bring in a show and tell. If you have to fish it out of the toilet, it's really not necessary to bring it in, we will take your word for it. If you did fish something out of the toilet, you may not use my pen.