Each Small Step Compels The Next
Thursday, August 16, 2007 at 02:19PM We all face struggles in our lives and we all deal with them in different ways, even the same issue is dealt with in different ways at different times. I think all that 'positive thinking' shit that’s always been around is just that ... shit. I think that we always have a choice and I think that we forget this every day; from the seemingly insignificant to the obviously life-changing.
But what if the seemingly insignificant choices ARE the life-changing ones?
After all, big decisions are really only possible after a long string of little ones. I, for example, never believed - growing up where I did- that I would ever own my own place as a single person. I moved to a city where that was a realistic goal but still, it just never occurred to me - I didn't make enough, my credit would take years to rebuild etc etc etc. My boss one day convinced me to start putting money into an RRSP - something I'd never done and honestly, something that, also, had never occurred to me mostly because I think I believed I'd never live that long. Or maybe, to be honest, I never really wanted to live that long, never wanted to face old age, alone and poor.
I think I put in $25 every two weeks, I still do, in fact. Big deal, right? Whoopee!
Five years later while at my bank asking for a car loan to help rebuild my credit the banker suggested we look at buying a condo. A seemingly innocent decision – the small amount I put into RRSP's each month, enabled the big decision. Suddenly, I actually DID have the money for a down payment.
Now, five years later again, the sale of that condo would net me at least $150,000. What freedom I have. If/ when I want it. All from one little choice - to listen to a piece of advice. I've achieved something I'd thought wasn't possible, without even meaning to.
If you put some thought into it - all that's happened in your life, good AND bad, started out with one small choice. That may seem too simplistic but I think that life IS simple and each choice we make leads to every other choice we're faced with. We don't give enough credit to ourselves for the good things and there's always someone else to blame for the bad.
"They" tell us that one of the hallmarks of happiness and well-being is a feeling of control over our lives.
The Internal-External Locus of Control Scale, developed by Julian Rotter, in part addresses this.
Rotter believed that one dimension along which people varied was the degree to which they believed they controlled what happened to them. Those that felt that their efforts made a difference were labelled internals. People who believed that nothing they did made much of a difference, that they were pawns manipulated by fate, luck, or capricious powerful others, were called externals.
Internals and externals vary in a number of different ways. Generally internals are more active, alert and task-oriented in their attempts to manipulate and control their world. Externals tend to think they have no choice but to sit back and take whatever fate hands to them. Externals tend to be somewhat neurotic, resentful, suspicious of others, irritable, depressed and low in self-esteem. This is not to say that internals cannot have their share of psychological problems, but externals do in fact tend to view the world as a threatening and hostile place, and they tend to feel that nothing they can do will make it better.
In other words - there are perpetual victims who need not take responsibility for their actions, choices and lives and there are people who aren’t.
People choose their own unhappiness. If you've chosen that for yourself, that's fine. You don't have the right, however, to inflict that upon anyone else and I think that lately, this is what's been upsetting me most. Somewhere along the line I've started really seeing the patterns around me and further, have lost my ability to willingly be a part of them, even if it's only implied by my silence.
It's time to stop playing the victim. To the world. To me. To yourself.
Do us all a favor and start making those small choices.
Reader Comments (5)
If that makes any sense.
Lovely post, Jen. I've missed you.
true, that. no one ever _really_ believes _they'll_ be burnt.
take the money and run.the freedom is exhilarating.but, run TO. not from. not away. too many girls do that, and too many girls never arrive. because they had nowhere TO arrive. and with nowhere to stop, all they do is run. and their life? that's all they do.
so glad to see things are looking up for you.
No burning involved, there.
Too many people, Sal, too many PEOPLE. You should have learned that by now.
> PEOPLE
i always liked that unix geekjoke:"/earth is 98% full. please delete anyone you can."