Moment of Wit. Not Mine.

I am in the midst of dealing with a ton of things that are making me angry and that I can't really talk about SO, someone else to amuse you...

In honour of a tradition that dates all the way back to the beginning of this sentence, let's begin the new year by reflecting on some of the words that, based on events of 2006, ought to be added to the dictionary:

caruso n. a medical condition that compels the victim to remove his sunglasses for dramatic effect in the middle of seemingly every sentence.

federline n. 1.an abrupt reversal of fortune: I was up $240 at blackjack but since the new dealer arrived it's been a real federline. 2. a vaguely comic musical noise unpleasant to the ears 3. the actual sound of one's 15 minutes of fame collapsing.

ingatieff v. 1. to embark on a doomed quest: His feet bare, armed only with a butter knife, he ignatieffed into the jungle at dusk. 2. to smile in a manner that suggests the very act of smiling is causing you tremendous discomfort.

rumsfeld v. to fire someone way too late for it to do any good: Our CFO had already fled to Tahiti with our pension fund when the chief executive rumsfelded him.

From Maclean's back pager Scott Feschuk.

The Height Of Laziness

It's raining. A lot. And the last few days, well, hell, I've been through a lot so a couple days ago I decided that yes, I needed groceries but that no, I wasn't going grocery shopping.

Except online.

Hey, it costs $4 to get a bus to do my grocery shopping and it's limited to what I can carry but only $7.95 for them to shop for me and deliver it all at one go.

I may be lazy but I'm not stupid.

My 'personal shopper' Stephanie called me this morning to tell me that they didn't have plums and she needed to send me different bacon bits then the ones I ordered. Suuuuure, all good, I say.

I should have picked an earlier delivery time so that I actually had coffee when I woke up this morning but I originally wasn't supposed to work today (afternoon shift) but otherwise? It's a beautiful thing.

I could get used to this.

Interpretation

One of the ahem men here today called me a "chick secretary".

What do you think I did to him?

#1 Reason I Should Never Become A Fluoroscopy Technician

(oh, this is fun... following the #1 Reason I Should Never Become an Xray Tech is....)

(note: Fluoroscopy is a technique for obtaining "live" X-ray images of a living patient. ie: barium enema)

Not that techs doing the whole barium enema thing couldn't be reason enough, actually, but I got an order tonight for a... well, it's just one word. And I think it's utterly self-explanatory all on it's own. Gentle readers, I give you.....

Vaginogram.

I Could, However, Be Traumatised

...by an accident patient.

What a day to quit smoking.

Well, let me rephrase that.... what a day to ALMOST quit smoking, because believe you me, it's not gonna really be today.

I just wanna go home, now.

i am innocent of uncontrolled abuse
no one ever told me cigarettes could kill me
now I'm used to them
i never saw the writings and the warnings
on the packages and posters of my roll-up smokes

the pores of plague that tease the cow,
the cross-eyed steak I'm eating now
can overload and in time explode

now I'm stuck between the alcohol and wisdom
now I'm stuck between a smoke and city air
almost used to all the crappy things we feed on
almost belly round and unaware

No, I Couldn't Possibly

...be more bored than I am right now.

This is the longest most irritating shift EVER.

And I still have an hour to go.

#1 Reason Why I Should Never Become An Xray Tech

A 22 year old man in the ER. Verrrrrry Cute. Getting xrays of his orbit (eye).

He's got some metal in one and they need to find out exactly where.

He's kind of staggering / swaying against the xray machine and as we're talking about his eye in the tech station he points his face in our general direction and says....

"Sorry if I'm all wobbly, I'm blind in my right eye and I can't see anything at the moment out of the other one."

My response? "Have you thought about SAFETY GOGGLES? Those looks won't last forever, buddy."

It just came out. Oops.

Holy cute though.