Are We There Yet? 36 Hours of Travel Time

(Since you'll be seeing these whenever they get posted - I've dated them at the top as well so you'll know what days I'm writing about.)

Travel Time - Canada time - October 9 and 10.

After hanging at the bus depot with a bunch of Scots, a gripping edge of your seat bus ride (late due to the runners in the Royal Victoria Marathon) to the ferry, and checking in at the wrong counter - although I did check in four hours early - just in case - (it's that directional sense again), I have had my luggage unpacked and repacked by Canadian Customs and I have now decided to get tanked in the airport bar while trying to get used to this keyboard and waiting out my 2 more hours until I can board the flight to LA.

On the bus I was trapped between a (and it truly does pain me to say this) a stereotypical arrogant Aussie boy and a kiwi with the best buns I have ever seen in my life. So, you know, there was that questioning of my choice of destination for a little while as the Aussie managed to swear his innately UNcharming way through an hour on the bus with a bunch of pensioners and OVER the music cranked in my ears while the Kiwi was nice and quiet and smiled at me a lot.

I want to take a picture of the 8 foot tall stuffed moose but I'm not that 'lassiez-faire' yet about the travelling alone thing and yanno, it's a little embrarrassing.

(I know, Sal is grinding his teeth right about now - "Take the damn picture!")

Anyways, novel #1 needs to be out of my 800 pound bag before I land in LA so I am off to read and shall check in with you later.

----later-----

The bar is now filled with people in porkpie hats, ruffled blouses and leopard cowboy hats - and that's just the men. I'm up at the bar for another drink and one of them indicates there's about 30 of them on theway to a work function. The women are in old time prom-type dresses and whooping away.

I think I want to work where they do.

The gentleman beside me asks for a sandwich and the bartender, Diane, asks him if he'd like a bag of chips with that, "Chock full of fibre and vitamin A." she says. He goes for it, even though he's SO not at an age where he requires any kind of fibre in his diet. She's good.

I'm sitting close enough to hear her (and o my god, a guy in an afro wig that must weigh more than his whole body - I could just spend the next month HERE, blogging, I swear) ... and she is the Queen of the Upsell. And enjoying it.

Me and my short short hair are no longer the novelty here and sometimes I am thankful for that.

I remember when Vanessa left a few months ago and she posted about the 'unclenching' of your entire being when you go away. Not when you go 'on vacation' but when you actually GO AWAY. And she is right - it's a feeling so hard to describe and yet so immediately recognizable that you couldn't mistake it for anything else.

Even though I wouldn't classify this trip as 'vacation' or as 'travelilng' but in some gray area in between that we can only label "a little more" - here, in a hotel bar, 3 hours from home, I am ...unclenching.

And, suddenly, I notice a grandchild of a daughter of a son of a fruit fly family I SWEAR I left behind this morning in the breeding of my house - must go killlllllll.

---later---

I left the bar and hit one of those face-down-in-a-chair massages for 25 minutes. Nice. For the first time since I got my forearm tattoo someone actually spoke it in it's own language to me. In Chinese AND Cantonese. And that was ultra cool.

And then back on the plane.

Another country. Another bar. Another airport. And another fruit fly on my glass. Seriously. In all those travel books you read where they tell you to take pictures or sightsee according to a theme - something as big as churches or as little as doors - I think my theme has been chosen FOR me.

This is the trip of the fruit fly. The fruit fly on my wine.

I may as well just go home now.

Anyways - LA is HOT. Someone needs to turn down the heat. Actually - it's humid. haha. But I is all sweaty and I do not like that.

After realizing I needed to be in a different terminal (no one mentioned that to me) I talked to a couple of nice parking men who got me onto the bus to the right terminal and now I have about 45 minutes before I board the almost final leg of the trip - 16 hours and 50 minutes to Melbourne (but I have a change of equipment in Sydney.)

I slept a little on the way down here but will probably have a drink and a gravol on the plane in a couple hours - which reminds me, must fill up water bottle for this flight.

... one final note touristy note:

I flew in here in the dark - I've been here before but not at night - and LA is HUGE. And LAX is utter madness. And there's a scarcity of people to ask for help.

But you know you're in the US when you're walking down through the terminal and you here that accent and someone gets up close to you and accents right in your ear... "Yeeew is fiiiiiiiine."

*snort* And it didn't even startle me because I was helping a confused looking woman with her luggage.

I am so Canadian.

---later, still-----

It is 2 am and I'm almost positive that I packed my gravol in my checked luggage. Which means I will not be sleeping. But which also means that I am eyelid droopy tired and unable to sleep.

My seat 'mate' has just turned his light out. He's grumpy looking. And I've gone to the bathroom twice in 3 hours so I don't think he likes me.

Good thing I forgot to fill the water bottle.

I *Speeet* on You, Jet Lag

Over to Australia time - October 11th. Arrival day.

People at baggage carousels are ANIMALS.

I'm just saying.

Anyways, I breezed through customs - which was good because I had 500 ml too much alcohol - wandered through the door and there were Matt's parents. Who are utterly adorable. Although Matt looks like his father so much that it's a bit disconcerting to look at him.

I can't stress how nice it is to have someone waiting for you at the airport, even if you've never met them before.

And Phil has forever endeared himself to me because he got a little lost on the way to my hostel.

Which is really old and really cool. And really huge. They "upgraded" me to a room with a fridge and a fantastic view of downtown Melbourne ( I'm in South Yarra), mostly I think because I showed up on time and they probably like to check out their guests before they decide on a room, so that must mean they found me acceptable.

We made arrangements for a time for Matt's parents to come for me the next day and since it was only 11:30ish, I unpacked a bit before heading out to find some food.

After walking around for a good hour and a bit and seeing nothing but a Subway and a McDonalds - which I REFUSE to eat at in another country - (other than a 7-11 or two and some pricey restaurants) I was despairing of finding a little grocery, so I figured I may as well turn around and head in the direction of 'home' and go a little ways in the other direction.

I tell ya, I could have wept with JOY when I came over a rise and before me lay entire blocks lined with shops. Noting a deli and a bakery to stop at on the way back, I passed them by in search of a place to buy a bottle of wine.

Hey, I know what's important, don't you worry. Besides, it's wine country man.

I came across a little shop that looked like a wholesalers but I couldn't quite figure out why it would be a storefront on a street so finally I just went in and asked.

A Canadian accent should get me some leeway for an aura of confusion and stupidity, I figure.

Anyways, the gentleman there - whose name is MATT, boys and girls, explained it all to me. The neato (did I just say neato?) thing is that you can sample the wines. So, yanno, yayy!

Matt (hey, Matt if you're here - I'm going to call you MelbourneMatt from now one because you're the third Matt I know and otherwise this all gets so confusing to my friends here, kay?) - has brought me up to speed on car insurance and registration and also took me shopping for cheese and pate and all sorts of lovely things to eat. In addition to providing some wine, of course.

Lots of wine tasting and a picnic later, (where I think the fruit fly visited me again) I wandered back 'home', had a shower, ate some more, drank some more, did a little bit of laundrey (because of course my favorite white t-shirt only stayed stainless for about 24 hours) took a gravol and crashed out at about 8 pm.

Up once about 3 am and up for good at 7 am, it is now 8:15 and I am going to get off my bed and out of my jammies and get ready to go before taking my little storage chip and seeing if anyone is downstairs to sell me some internet time so I can post these.

So, no jet lag and I'm all caught up to the day/night at the right time thing and I feel fantastic. So, there you have the secret - WINE and CHEESE!

Today, Matt's parents and I are heading out of the city to Werribee Park, which is described in my book as...

The mansion at Werribee Park is a good bet, with serene sculptured gardens, an imposing billiards room, and an expansive nursery. From October to May, the bloom of 5,000 roses colors the garden. Animals from the grasslands of Australia, Africa and Asia give the 200 hectare open range zoo the feel of a safari.

And Phil has promised to tell me about the "squatstocracy" and they've brought their maps so we can talk about their travels and I can get good ideas for my drive around Aus next year.

Cheers! Also new pictures are in here.

Just a Quick Thought

I have a cold.

And a hangover.

My cousin and I drank three bottles of wine.

The cab driver got lost and so didn't charge me. I think.

I've got to go find a bank machine so I can get to the airport.

Isn't this exciting?

See you in Perth.

*sneeze* *bleurgh*

Park Like Setting

Thursday, October 13

"Are you in love?"
"No."
'But you look like you are someone who wants to eat every part of life, how could you not be in love?"
"Ahh, maybe someday."
"Can I come closer to you?"
No.
*stomps off* "You see, THAT is why you are not in love, you are Closed Off." *mutter mutter*

And that, ladies and gentleman, was the first man who tried to pick me up, this afternoon in the Royal Botanic Gardens. He wasn't Australian, I think he may have been Iranian or something in that area of the planet.

Melbourne Matt tells me that men here are inspired by Ivan Milat, who apparantly picked up backpackers in New South Wales National Parks in the early 2000's, raped them and slit their throats.

Mr. Smart Ass.

So, yes, I am back in the shop asking all sorts of questions. Because there are many things I do not understand about Australia and I'm pretty sure it's not okay to accost people on the street to ask insane questions.

Because, you know, accent aside - they think you are insane.

So - things I have found that are completely different and/or terribly strange and confusing:

-the "half-flush" and "full-flush" options on the toilets
-they auction their real estate - they don't sell it
-you cannot order any coffee without hot milk (ie: it is ALL specialty coffee)
-an awful lot of stuff has no way of being closed to the elements - ie: toilet facilities are outside or there is no glass in the door, just a lattice

-Asians with Australian accents

-there are parrots just flying around (I've never seen a parrot in the 'wild' - Matt's parent thought that hilarious)

So, I think I've gotten over the part where I couldn't figure out why there were cars EVERYWHERE with people just sitting in them (hint: the drivers side is on the other side of the car) then there was the problem that (and this is actually quite reasonable) the people on the sidewalk are in my way. Cause, you know, our left arm in to the inside of the sidewalk because that's how we drive and their right arm is in the inside because that's how they drive

I'm sure I'm annoying the shit out of Melbourne Matt with the questions, "Do you have pennies? Why do you auction houses? Can you explain coffee to me? What if I....? Why do you...>?

-------later--------- Thursday I didn't do a whole lot actually - some shopping in Toorak, the Royal Botanic Gardens which are just at the end of my street and then I just drank a lot and annoyed Melbourne Matt.

So, today, apart from a mild hangover - I HAVE A COLD. arg. double arg. So I feel crappy and it's already 12:15 and I'm still sitting on my butt drinking tea.

I'm not too worried about it though - that's the good thing about knowing you're coming back. Once I finish this I am wandering off to downtown for the first time to see the Melbourne Gaol and then meeting my cousin for dinner. Then back here to pack as I'm off in the morning to Perth.