Friday
Jul082005
THE BLOOD THAT RUNS IN MY VEINS - WHY I WISH SOMETIMES I REALLY WAS A FAERIE THEY FOUND IN THE DOORWAY ONE MORNING
Friday, July 8, 2005 at 05:16PM
I've been thinking about this and I'm pretty sure MaJen has never told me I'm beautiful. Not in (almost) 36 years (that I can remember, anyways). In fact, I don't think I've been told I'm beautiful by anyone. Because, well, I wasn't. Cute. Maybe pretty. I had moments of shining brightness, but beautiful? Not really. Now, I'm not telling you this because I'm being all 'ooooo, poor me, poor me' - strangely, I'm quite okay with telling you exactly when I'm looking for sympathy and kind words - but because SUDDENLY, people can't stop telling me how beautiful I WAS.
You know, because it's SO HELPFUL. And way TOO FUCKING LATE.
The latest....
MaJen: "Oh, you'll never guess who I ran into the other day! And what he said about you!"
(I'm thinking, "Oh shit, what have I done now.")
MaJen: "Well, I saw a truck with '**** Signs' written on it and I thought for sure it'd be one of the boys."
(I spent the first 1 - 7 years of my life as neighbors to my 'best friend' Mark and his way older brother Danny before we moved to another part of the city.)
MaJen: "And don't you know, it was Mark!"
me: "Uh, Mom, Mark killed himself last year when drinking himself to death failed - it couldn't have been him. Remember? You're the one who told me that."
MaJen: "Oh yeah, right. Danny then. And I told him what happened with your face and he was saying how beautiful you were. Such a sweet girl and so kind and beautiful."
me: "Mom, I haven't seen Danny since I was TEN and I'm pretty sure he hated me back then."
(and cause she's not even listening to me at this point) "Oh, and his friend he was with perked right up and wanted to know how old you were and I said well, she's 35 but don't go getting any ideas cause she's told me there won't be any grandchildren and I respect that, you just can't talk to kids nowadays but you know, sweetie, he's working for the company with Danny and that's a good job and there's not many good single men around these days....."
The funniest thing about all this is - trauma and all this pain and shit aside - although my nose may always be a little crooked and there might be a bit of a lump on the side of it, the painful mashing of the things around (not pitapat'ing, Sal) seems to be working and as the swelling goes down - it seems to me, the most critical one of all, that I'm a little better looking than I ever was before.
How's that for a kick in the teeth?
You know, because it's SO HELPFUL. And way TOO FUCKING LATE.
The latest....
MaJen: "Oh, you'll never guess who I ran into the other day! And what he said about you!"
(I'm thinking, "Oh shit, what have I done now.")
MaJen: "Well, I saw a truck with '**** Signs' written on it and I thought for sure it'd be one of the boys."
(I spent the first 1 - 7 years of my life as neighbors to my 'best friend' Mark and his way older brother Danny before we moved to another part of the city.)
MaJen: "And don't you know, it was Mark!"
me: "Uh, Mom, Mark killed himself last year when drinking himself to death failed - it couldn't have been him. Remember? You're the one who told me that."
MaJen: "Oh yeah, right. Danny then. And I told him what happened with your face and he was saying how beautiful you were. Such a sweet girl and so kind and beautiful."
me: "Mom, I haven't seen Danny since I was TEN and I'm pretty sure he hated me back then."
(and cause she's not even listening to me at this point) "Oh, and his friend he was with perked right up and wanted to know how old you were and I said well, she's 35 but don't go getting any ideas cause she's told me there won't be any grandchildren and I respect that, you just can't talk to kids nowadays but you know, sweetie, he's working for the company with Danny and that's a good job and there's not many good single men around these days....."
The funniest thing about all this is - trauma and all this pain and shit aside - although my nose may always be a little crooked and there might be a bit of a lump on the side of it, the painful mashing of the things around (not pitapat'ing, Sal) seems to be working and as the swelling goes down - it seems to me, the most critical one of all, that I'm a little better looking than I ever was before.
How's that for a kick in the teeth?
Reader Comments (2)
david
Today was her 71st birthday. She tried to have me today but I came three days later, instead.
I've been behind ever since.