Tuesday
Aug232005
One Step Back and Three Fresh Perspectives
Tuesday, August 23, 2005 at 11:24PM
First, I'm going to witter on for quite a while before I get through the Jen day to day updatey stuff so feel free to skip ahead past the dividing line if you're sick of, you know, Jen updatey stuff.
I haven't had the time to change the site but it's been annoying me so we're literally taking one step back in here to soothing colors while I am metaphorically taking one step back in real life. I haven't had time to 'write' as well and lately, I've been feeling a need to, feeling rusty and slow - so the redesign may have to move down the list.
Second, as James politely commented this morning ...you're sounding a little scattered, maybe even slightly (ever so slightly) frantic in your journal, lately.. And although I promise that I will write you back (YJ) on my four days off - I no longer have access to the 'net from work and email just isn't private anymore. So, yanno, but I can give you a bit of an answer here - because you made me sit and think about it.
There's been SO much happening the last few weeks. For the most part it's not bad stuff except the way I deal with other people's issues but I'm not stressed. I am, however, exhausted, not sleeping well, running around doing 800 things at once, learning a new job of which I'm now working a 6 day rotation, supporting my old job, worrying about the trip and making and remaking and one-more-time making budgets and projections while this damn Island makes me knees ache and ache and my nose run and run. Speaking of which, my face still hurts a bit, which is weird and disconcerting.
So, you're right I AM scattered and even a bit frantic. Taking things 'out there' too personally or letting them stay on my mind for too long. I realized last week that there wasn't any point in going out and buying cheap shit for this preliminary trip because if it serves well, then I'll have to buy a better version later so I've been scrambling a bit to get relatively inexpensive / reasonable but still good quality items.
There's a f'instance here - last week I went to the TWO whole sporting goods stores here and tried on some North Face convertible pants - $129.00 plus that NASTY 14.5% tax. Sad. So, I did what any sane human would do - I went online.
And never got back off. For eight days I've been at work or on the net. And that's it.
I found the same NF pants in the US for $65 + $25 shipping which even with the exchange rate is still a better deal ($90 CDN). But still..... From there I hit all the different suppliers websites of convertible pants to extrapolate sizes (cause it so sucks to buy pants unseen and then the fit is terrible) even though I was still taking a big chance they would anyways. Then, I hit ebay for a couple days with no luck. Then, when I felt like I was going to start just bidding on the wrong sizes I bought a pair online from MEC for $59.00.
Which came today, by the way, along with an under-clothing travel wallet, a stuff sack and my MP3 player. And it's all perfect. Everything I've ordered and gotten so far is perfect. (knocking wood)
I've also spent the last four days looking for a laptop. I got close a few times... but, in the end, no cigar. I fell in love with an inappropriately beautiful Toshiba Portege 7010 but stopped myself when the bidding would have put my total price over $350 CDN.
I wanted to keep going it was so wonderful and pret-ty and perfect but even at 4.1 lbs, it's just not worth it because I know in my heart it's going to get stolen at some point. It's the admittance of my obliviousness and the amount of trust I place in people I don't know. I've also been trying very hard to buy what I need and no more. I don't need a 4.0 megapixel camera when 3.2 will do. I don't need a 20 GB iPod when a 512mb generic will do. I don't need a CD drive at all when a USB storage device will do everything I need. It's been the research and working out the barebones of what I actually need and then getting it for the lowest cost that's been where my time has gone. You following me here?
Some of you may remember that at the beginning of all this I'd talked about using a Blackberry or PDA because all I really need is some form of word processing and in my travels over the last few days I came across the NEC MobilePro It weighs 1.7 lbs and it will do exactly what I need - heaven!
After two bidding wars with some guy - one went to $120 US and this last one I had to forcibly stop myself at $165 (the shipping was a further $55 US) - I almost gave up but went back with a different search query and found a few more. I ended up taking the buy-it-now option on TWO refurbs for $89 each and got them shipped for a total of $211 US. Fuck the bidding, I've had enough and I'll not be getting them much cheaper than what I just paid for another week of sweating it out.
It's confusing, that flipping back and forth between currencies, innit?
ANYWAY, I now own everything I wanted to own for the trip (except the pack and some more convertible pants and a few other things so say $700 more bucks next year). In the end, over the last few days I've managed to fully outfit this trip and most of the next for LESS THAN $1000 CDN.
Not bad, when I'd budgeted $2500.
I'm feeling a bit more settled and comfortable at work - even though I start to learn a new job in a new department on Sept 1. I'm learning 3 different jobs at each of two different hospitals over the next month so that learning curve'll wax and wane for a while.
So, yeah, feeling better, a little more serene. Eventually I'll be too tired to NOT get a good night's sleep and there's just a few little things that need to be taken care of over the next week or so and then I should be all ready but the packing!
Perspective One: It's Always There. You Just Have to Keep Looking.
Last weekend I weighed down my little backpack to build some resistance and hiked through our back trail down to Witty's Lagoon.
I settled myself in the lee of some driftwood and dug my feet down into the sand to read my book and watch the tide continue its way out.
When I'd first come onto the beach I'd noticed an older man walking along the edge of the water away from me while his little cocker spaniel paced parallel about 15 feet out in the shallow water. I looked up occasionally to see them pace each other back and forth on the same short stretch - the dog intent on something in the water, head never lifting as he searched and ducked while the man stopped occasionally to call out to him or just to watch.
It must have been about 15 minutes before I realized that the dog had no plans to come out and that the man wasn't wearing shoes he could go in the water with.
Picking up my sandals I walked down the beach towards him and when I got close enough I called out that I'd thought I'd see if he wanted me to go into the water and fetch his little dog back for him.
Turns out they'd travelled through the US for a couple of years in an RV and somewhere in a little stream-fed pool in Utah our little furry friend happened upon some interesting new fishy friends he couldn't quite catch as they played around him.
He is however, convinced that they're waiting for him in every body of water he sees. He's sure that if he just jumps right in and keeps a sharp eye out, that someday he'll find them again.
Perspective Two: A Quick Wit and A Smile. Always.
The woman pushes her mother's wheelchair away from the front desk towards nuclear medicine for yet another uncomfortable and pointless test, narrowly avoiding a man turning from the second desk as we all suck in our breaths in anticipation....
"Whoops," he says, "almost landed in your lap there."
"Well right now I'm busy handsome, but maybe later I'll come back for you." immediately chirps a strong, clear voice.
Laughing, I look down at the record still up on the computer. She's 90. And giggling all the way down the hall.
Perspective Three: Moving Through the Terror, Alone With Strangers
The young woman stands alone at my desk and hands over her requisition. While she quietly confirms her address for me in halting english, I look down to see that she is here for an ultrasound.
The doctor's been unable to find her baby's heartbeat.
Unobtrusive, head down, with no one to hold her hand and a grasp on the situation in a strange language that can only be utterly terrifying - she heads down the hall.
20 minutes later, still quiet, still unobtrusive, she pauses in front of the desk, waits for me to look up and smiles shyly as she waves the ultrasound pictures, answering unspoken questions and allaying the sudden sharp fears we shared only briefly.
The thing is - every day, each of us is blessed - by our own lives or by the lives of others. Those three encounters made my life a little bit more of a different place and yet, so much of the time - I forget they're all around me. No matter where I've been, where I am or where I'm going.
I haven't had the time to change the site but it's been annoying me so we're literally taking one step back in here to soothing colors while I am metaphorically taking one step back in real life. I haven't had time to 'write' as well and lately, I've been feeling a need to, feeling rusty and slow - so the redesign may have to move down the list.
Second, as James politely commented this morning ...you're sounding a little scattered, maybe even slightly (ever so slightly) frantic in your journal, lately.. And although I promise that I will write you back (YJ) on my four days off - I no longer have access to the 'net from work and email just isn't private anymore. So, yanno, but I can give you a bit of an answer here - because you made me sit and think about it.
There's been SO much happening the last few weeks. For the most part it's not bad stuff except the way I deal with other people's issues but I'm not stressed. I am, however, exhausted, not sleeping well, running around doing 800 things at once, learning a new job of which I'm now working a 6 day rotation, supporting my old job, worrying about the trip and making and remaking and one-more-time making budgets and projections while this damn Island makes me knees ache and ache and my nose run and run. Speaking of which, my face still hurts a bit, which is weird and disconcerting.
So, you're right I AM scattered and even a bit frantic. Taking things 'out there' too personally or letting them stay on my mind for too long. I realized last week that there wasn't any point in going out and buying cheap shit for this preliminary trip because if it serves well, then I'll have to buy a better version later so I've been scrambling a bit to get relatively inexpensive / reasonable but still good quality items.
There's a f'instance here - last week I went to the TWO whole sporting goods stores here and tried on some North Face convertible pants - $129.00 plus that NASTY 14.5% tax. Sad. So, I did what any sane human would do - I went online.
And never got back off. For eight days I've been at work or on the net. And that's it.
I found the same NF pants in the US for $65 + $25 shipping which even with the exchange rate is still a better deal ($90 CDN). But still..... From there I hit all the different suppliers websites of convertible pants to extrapolate sizes (cause it so sucks to buy pants unseen and then the fit is terrible) even though I was still taking a big chance they would anyways. Then, I hit ebay for a couple days with no luck. Then, when I felt like I was going to start just bidding on the wrong sizes I bought a pair online from MEC for $59.00.
Which came today, by the way, along with an under-clothing travel wallet, a stuff sack and my MP3 player. And it's all perfect. Everything I've ordered and gotten so far is perfect. (knocking wood)
I've also spent the last four days looking for a laptop. I got close a few times... but, in the end, no cigar. I fell in love with an inappropriately beautiful Toshiba Portege 7010 but stopped myself when the bidding would have put my total price over $350 CDN.
I wanted to keep going it was so wonderful and pret-ty and perfect but even at 4.1 lbs, it's just not worth it because I know in my heart it's going to get stolen at some point. It's the admittance of my obliviousness and the amount of trust I place in people I don't know. I've also been trying very hard to buy what I need and no more. I don't need a 4.0 megapixel camera when 3.2 will do. I don't need a 20 GB iPod when a 512mb generic will do. I don't need a CD drive at all when a USB storage device will do everything I need. It's been the research and working out the barebones of what I actually need and then getting it for the lowest cost that's been where my time has gone. You following me here?
Some of you may remember that at the beginning of all this I'd talked about using a Blackberry or PDA because all I really need is some form of word processing and in my travels over the last few days I came across the NEC MobilePro It weighs 1.7 lbs and it will do exactly what I need - heaven!
After two bidding wars with some guy - one went to $120 US and this last one I had to forcibly stop myself at $165 (the shipping was a further $55 US) - I almost gave up but went back with a different search query and found a few more. I ended up taking the buy-it-now option on TWO refurbs for $89 each and got them shipped for a total of $211 US. Fuck the bidding, I've had enough and I'll not be getting them much cheaper than what I just paid for another week of sweating it out.
It's confusing, that flipping back and forth between currencies, innit?
ANYWAY, I now own everything I wanted to own for the trip (except the pack and some more convertible pants and a few other things so say $700 more bucks next year). In the end, over the last few days I've managed to fully outfit this trip and most of the next for LESS THAN $1000 CDN.
Not bad, when I'd budgeted $2500.
I'm feeling a bit more settled and comfortable at work - even though I start to learn a new job in a new department on Sept 1. I'm learning 3 different jobs at each of two different hospitals over the next month so that learning curve'll wax and wane for a while.
So, yeah, feeling better, a little more serene. Eventually I'll be too tired to NOT get a good night's sleep and there's just a few little things that need to be taken care of over the next week or so and then I should be all ready but the packing!
Perspective One: It's Always There. You Just Have to Keep Looking.
Last weekend I weighed down my little backpack to build some resistance and hiked through our back trail down to Witty's Lagoon.
I settled myself in the lee of some driftwood and dug my feet down into the sand to read my book and watch the tide continue its way out. When I'd first come onto the beach I'd noticed an older man walking along the edge of the water away from me while his little cocker spaniel paced parallel about 15 feet out in the shallow water. I looked up occasionally to see them pace each other back and forth on the same short stretch - the dog intent on something in the water, head never lifting as he searched and ducked while the man stopped occasionally to call out to him or just to watch.
It must have been about 15 minutes before I realized that the dog had no plans to come out and that the man wasn't wearing shoes he could go in the water with. Picking up my sandals I walked down the beach towards him and when I got close enough I called out that I'd thought I'd see if he wanted me to go into the water and fetch his little dog back for him.
Turns out they'd travelled through the US for a couple of years in an RV and somewhere in a little stream-fed pool in Utah our little furry friend happened upon some interesting new fishy friends he couldn't quite catch as they played around him.
He is however, convinced that they're waiting for him in every body of water he sees. He's sure that if he just jumps right in and keeps a sharp eye out, that someday he'll find them again.
Perspective Two: A Quick Wit and A Smile. Always.
The woman pushes her mother's wheelchair away from the front desk towards nuclear medicine for yet another uncomfortable and pointless test, narrowly avoiding a man turning from the second desk as we all suck in our breaths in anticipation....
"Whoops," he says, "almost landed in your lap there."
"Well right now I'm busy handsome, but maybe later I'll come back for you." immediately chirps a strong, clear voice.
Laughing, I look down at the record still up on the computer. She's 90. And giggling all the way down the hall.
Perspective Three: Moving Through the Terror, Alone With Strangers
The young woman stands alone at my desk and hands over her requisition. While she quietly confirms her address for me in halting english, I look down to see that she is here for an ultrasound.
The doctor's been unable to find her baby's heartbeat.
Unobtrusive, head down, with no one to hold her hand and a grasp on the situation in a strange language that can only be utterly terrifying - she heads down the hall.
20 minutes later, still quiet, still unobtrusive, she pauses in front of the desk, waits for me to look up and smiles shyly as she waves the ultrasound pictures, answering unspoken questions and allaying the sudden sharp fears we shared only briefly.
The thing is - every day, each of us is blessed - by our own lives or by the lives of others. Those three encounters made my life a little bit more of a different place and yet, so much of the time - I forget they're all around me. No matter where I've been, where I am or where I'm going.
Reader Comments (1)
I loved those three little stories. Makes me feel like the world is a little bit better of a place than maybe I thought it was this morning.
Makes me want to try not to take anything for granted anymore.
Love you to bits. (tiny bits)