Tons of Stops And Starts

I have books upon books upon books of bits of things I've wanted to expand upon. Things I want to SAY.

In the absence of the time and / or motivation to expand upon them, or even that they're small bits about me I haven't been able to talk about or don't know how to - I've decided to give you the raw notes themselves. At least for now.

Certain people seem more powerful than the obstacles they face.

Throwing herself bodily at him in the assumption that the harder she hit him, the better she would stick.

Attraction makes us chase what, in the end, may chase us down. It is the shiny thing in the road that draws us, like crows, to our doom. Most times, the truck out of nowhere bears down on us and we end our lives in a flutter of dark feathers and scraped skin. Now and then, we nab the shiny thing and we fly with it.
But there's always one more shiny thing on some other road.

And... a little Ani DiFranco...

i'm a pixie

i'm a paper doll

i'm a cartoon

i'm a chipper cheerful free for all and i light up a room

i'm the color me happy girl

miss live and let live

and when they're out for blood

i always

[give]

the man behind the counter looks like he's got

a half a dozen places he'd rather be

and furthermore it looks like he's prepared

to take it all out on me

buddy, i don't really care what your problem is

just don't make it mine

come on kids, let's all hold hands

and pretend we're having a good time

maybe you don't like your job

maybe you didn't get enough sleep

well, nobody likes their job

nobody got enough sleep

maybe you just had

the worst day of your life

but, you know, there's no escape

and there's no excuse

so just suck up

suck up

suck up and be nice

yeah, i would like to perfect the art

of being studiously aloof

like life is just a boring chore

and i am living proof

i could join forces with an army

of ornery hipsters

but then i guess i'd be out of a job

so i guess that's out of the picture

cuz i am a pixie

i am a paper doll

i'm a cartoon

i'm a chipper cheerful free for all

and i light up a room

i'm the color me happy girl

miss live and let live

and when they're out for blood

i always

[give]

In the space of a week I was informed by the military that they didn't owe me any portion of the $30,000 of lost wages due to my injury by them, my mother was diagnosed with bladder cancer and then subsequently hit a concrete divider in the snow on her way home from the hospital and was left with a concussion and an unusable truck and I was served with papers (expected at some point) indicating that my condo board would be lodging a caveat on my land title for unpaid condo fees.

I'm a chipper cheerful free for all, because, suprisingly, I am okay. I guess I've learned over the last while to .. just... be.. Jen.

Comments

[Jennifer]

Holy shit, woman.

One of these days, it's all going to be rainbows and unicorns for you. You've earned it.

Unless, of course, that would be your own private version of hell. :-)

[Chris]

Damn. I'm sorry about your mom. ((hug)) I really hope you are OK.

[Saltation]

merry christmas, jen!