Interview Questions

Okay, so I finally allowed someone to 'interview' me, and although I expected questions like, "What sort of complete and utter idiot falls in love with someone so young and expects him NOT to leave?", I've actually ended up with some far less frightening ones.

But, s. could only come up with four. SO, while I contemplate these questions before returning to give you well-considered and thoughtful answers, I'll let each of you ask the ONE OR TWO burning questions you have about me. Except of course for the one in the first paragraph above.

Leave 'em in the comments and I'll be back to answer them all in one fell swoop on Friday or Saturday.

Except the smartass questions or those that have nothing to do with me. ie: What kind of a question is this? A USELESS WASTE OF YOUR ONE QUESTION, is what kind of question it is.

1. If you could teleport to any time period (past or future), when would it be, and why?

2. What's one thing you haven't done that you absolutely must do before you die?

3. Where were you born?

4. What are your top five favourite books?

5. Yourself specifically excluded, who has been the single most influential person in your life? And, why?

6. If you could do this without repercussions, to whom in your life would you apologise, and why ?

7. If you had the power to fix one problem or one issue that casues the human family sadness and/or death, ie, hungar or violence, what would you fix? Please explain your choice.

This Circle Of Life Thing Is Wearing Me Down

Now that the rain is slowing down and the worms have been keeping their wiggly selves off the sidewalks for the last few days, the girl who's heart bleeds for anything that doesn't have two legs has only had to deal with the roadkill.

Such a lovely word, isn't it? Roadkill.

You see, because I live out in the boonies and I leave early early in the morning, there's been no chance yet for anyone to move the nighttime caught-in-the-headlights ill-advised-dash-across-the-road animals off the... well... road. I would, you know even if it made me late every day, except that my fear of the day I find one still alive is stronger than the fear of dead animals and assorted nasty diseases.

The other day? No shit - a rabbit. A squirrel. A raccoon. A Canada Goose. Which mate for life, by the way, although much like humans they will remarry if one dies. This fact of which the little boy who was trying to chase one of our resident geese at the hospital into traffic last week will now have imprinted forever in his brain from the woman who pulled over and asked him if he'd like to have her chase him into traffic. With her car. Purely in the interest of educating our young, of course.

ANYWAYS, as I was saying, living in downtown Calgary for almost 10 years was just not conducive to co-habitating with teeny wildlife, let alone the bigger stuff, although one of you may remember the pigeon I tried to save when Billy lived with me (you know, those tuberculosis carrying birds and that COPD guy, makes me laugh now - oh wait, made me laugh then).

So apart from the occasional wasp or mosquito (or those damn pesky houseplant THINGS I had by the pound for a while), I've spent quite some time not seeing any sort of bugs at all.

Cut to living on the farm and all its associated wildlife, which I love. The other day on our walk we watched a family of swans hang out about 20 feet from four deer who were grazing 30 feet from the gaggle of golfers trying to whack their balls about.

So, I love them. But they tire me out. And I'll tell you why...

Over the last two days caterpillar season has begun and I spent most of the lunchtime walk and the back and forthing from the car walking past and then giving in and returning to move the little buggers off the asphalt.

music's in the things that matter
hear it in the kiss we hold
music is a walk outside

It is Officially Official

Did I ever mention to you guys that M2 had an uncanny ability to save his own ass at the last minute - without actually knowing that he was in a position to have to save it?

Well, he could.

In the last few months, he's become someone I don't like, can't relate to and don't want to talk to while agreeing with me that he wasn't happy with how things were going either. I had decided to make one last attempt at some sort of interaction between us and was actually about 24 hours from just walking away, without even a goodbye.

So, if today you suddenly got this eye-popping psychic flash of Jen rolling about on the floor in her office at 2 pm shrieking in frustration, well - it'd be safe to assume that today - he pulled his bad self so utterly gracefully out of the goddamn fire that I was speechless. Except for the shrieking.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad he did. I love him, that's never been in question, and missing him doesn't mean I'm unhappy but I don't want him completely gone from my life and frankly, I was starting to question whether the boy I loved actually ever existed at all. I was seriously beginning to question my own sanity.

(okay, that just made me *snort*)

Maybe it's better to say, I was beginning to question whether or not I could ever trust my own instincts and /or feelings ever again if I had been so wrong about something so deep in the core of my being.

So, yes, verra glad, ladies and gents.

But on the ground. Shrieking.

Brunch With Friends

I had a great time, met some great people, drank some lovely wine, conquered (with barely a shaky breath) two places I was at last with Matt, one of which was the last time I saw him.

And then, insomnia.

Followed by falling asleep on the way to work.

So, home again as soon as the mandatories were done, to bed again and now to the couch as tomorrow, I travel to inventory the phones at another hospital.

Upon my return, hopefully I'll have something interesting to say.

and there'll never be no turning back -
but I'll never do it better than I do it with you
oh, no

Endeavoring

I've got tons of quotes about travelling and it's starting to look like if I don't begin to actually use them, I'll more than likely have enough to outlast the millenium.

In that spirit, I'm going to start putting them up over in "MY FUTURE" / Navigating the Warm Bits. Where, much like the quotes on this page, they shall be eerily pertinent to what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling about the whole thing.

Starting right now.

Thank God It's Finally Friday, I Just Can't Concentrate *Anymore* (edited, a little)

It's almost too bad that I haven't been here long enough to vote, considering that it seems that British Columbia has 45 different parties. I'm just unsure as to which one I'd actually pick....

B.C. is home of the Work Less Party of British Columbia and the Sex Party -- natural allies, one might think -- as well as an individualistic entity known as the Party Of Citizens Who Have Decided To Think For Themselves And Be Their Own Politicians, or POCWHDTTFTABTOP for short. There's the B.C. Marijuana Party, which is growing perilously close to mainstream, and two separatist parties: the Western Canada Concept Party of B.C. and the Bloc British Columbia Party. There's the People of British Columbia Millionaires Party, which would sell B.C. to a willing buyer for $1 million per registered voter.

There's an Idealists Party, too. But, then, aren't they all?

---

The options I've been looking at for next year with the condo have been basically (and obviously)...

1. sell it and use most to all of the equity to travel - right about now, once the elevators are fixed - my profit would be about 45% over what I paid for it (not bad for a dummy and her first house)
2. let it sit and continue to rent it out and try a different 'tactic' to get the equity out for travelling and subsidizing the difference between cost and income
3. renovate, sell and buy either a) a low-cost place for my mom to live for what she pays now OR b) a piece of land that could actually end up being that cabin in the damn woods with a room full of books and a million animals that I'm not coming out of unless I have to dream I've always had (and even have floor plans for) - both of which would involve leaving money behind but would carry the added bonus of leaving me with an investment

Anyways, I've got lots of time to let all the options percolate, although, I guess the third one is pretty clearly the best. I'd like a big enough piece of wooded land that even if the world grew up around me, I could plant a house in the middle and not notice any of it. I was looking at a beauty 10 wooded acres for a mere $48,000 (ie: $38,000 US or 20,500 GBP) on Lasqueti Island (LAS-KEE-TEE) but, according to the latest, the whole west coast is about to be wiped out, I guess I should maybe be going a leeeetle more inland, just to be safe, as beautiful as it is here and as much as I want to overlook the ocean.

---

Otherwise, my weekend is busy busy busy for once and I may not be saying much until it's over. I've left you lots of links, though, in case you're bored.

In between a load of new and exciting books there's errands, chores, shopping and dinner with B on Saturday. Wade is heading out from Calgary to see the Lenny Kravitz show in Vancouver before heading here on Sunday to bring me some REAL tequila. Well, and a big brunch as well but I'm mostly excited about the first decent tequila I'll have had in 5 months.

---

Speaking of which, although I was a little off when I spoke to Phil - I met Matt July 14th. He left Canada exactly 5 months later on December 14th. Tomorrow is May 14th and marks him being gone the exact amount of time we were together.

Phil told me a while ago that she always gave herself the same amount of time to deal with a breakup as they were together and I've been hoping that this would be true for me. I'd never felt this way before and although I didn't want to have dealt with it, because I felt (and feel) that I'd never be okay with it and although I don't think I will ever be able to say I've "gotten over" him, I can tell you that I wouldn't trade that time for all the anythings in the world.

That is partly because I'd never felt that way in my 35 years, partly because I recognized my own worth and how that felt to be reflected unconditionally from someone I accepted unconditionally, (and how amazing that really is), partly because I finally (and maybe only that once) allowed myself to give everything I am and everything I treasure to someone else but only partly because I believe that I found a relationship that nothing else will ever top - the one I held out for all these years. The one that spoiled me for anything else, whether it was pure or not, I believe that it was true.

And worth it. All.

And even though he has some issues of his own and even though he may never really 'feel' for anyone, I can absolutely guarantee that 10 and 20 and 30 years from now, he'll be missing me.

As I'll be missing him.

..BUT

...that, overall, these days I'm pretty damn happy with my decisions and with the direction things are going and where I am when I take a moment to sit down and take a look around me.

After all, look what I have wrought in so short a time. Look at what I have chosen and adjusted to and made my own. Look at what I believe I will do.

But, now, I have a slightly ill-advised hungry dinner shopping choice of Cheemo perogies and Sleeman's Cream Ale (which is *never* a bad choice) waiting for me.

the jig is up, the news is out
they finally found me
the renegade who had it made

Local Color

You start to get the feeling that your work proximity to the town loony-bin is far too close for comfort on the day you drive out of the parking lot on a 20 degree day (70 for you 'mercans) and pass a girl walking down the sidewalk wearing a glaring white shorty ultra-puffy zipped-up-to-the-chin PARKA, slippers and charming tight black underwears which she has to pull DOWN every five steps.

I didn't stick around to see if anyone knew she was missing, they're on top of that usually and I skipped the mandatory 'tackle a patient' training. But I did think, "there but for the grace of god go i", send a thankful smile in the general direction of myriad dietys and faeries, before taking a right at the light and heading home.