Oxy"MORON" of the Week

I almost applied for a job today in a department closer to home with about 1millionth of the shit and stress but one of the requirements is you be fully trained and ready to go (I'm trained but not experienced so ergo... not ready to go)...

Because in a department where they are down NINE people, a department where they normally have a 48 hour turnaround but are now TWO MONTHS behind - they won't hire anyone who's not ready to go because they ARE SO SWAMPED THEY REFUSE TO 'WASTE' TIME TRAINING ANYONE.

Gee. I wonder what the problem is there? The manager, maybe?

The idiotic thing is - I could sit with one of them for a day. And be ready to go. Because it's a really really simple job.

Hmm. Or maybe that's the best definition of my mother's old adage "cutting off your nose to spite your face"

Which reminds me of another story. And since I always say that and never actually tell you the story - I will go type it in right now and set it to publish tomorrow. RIGHT NOW. This is me.. Gone.

Grasping At Straws

I had a really good hair day today.

That's something.

Actually, no one's talking to me so I had a pretty good day all around. heh.

I went to bed at 8:30 last night and barely made it up this morning, except the cat was being really annoying so I rolled over and started to poke him. poke. poke. poke.

He wrapped his little hands around my arm and bit me.

Which made me laugh at him because all his teeth are broken off and it's like being attacked by a big ... whatever. Something with no teeth.

So, I laughed and poked some more.

And he ran up and over to my head, dug his claws in (just enough to hold me still) and started biting my head. Not an ear or my nose or pulling on my hair, but actually trying to get his mouth open far enough to fit the top my skull into it.

Poor thing. He's not very bright and he just can't win with me, can he? I empathize. I feel his frustration.

It's my little revenge on the rest of the world. We all spend some time not winning and right now, it's my time so he has to suffer as well.

Except that, from his point of view, it's really not suffering at all is it? The universe doesn't poke poke me and then give me cream and cuddle me. Oh no.

Anyways, I made a decision today.

Like, you know, the quotes over there aren't any kind of hint.

The decision was about worth. What's worth it. What isn't. And today, I decided something wasn't. I'm sure you're all smart enough to figure out what that is, but it's going to remain unspoken for a little while longer.

Sometimes. A Moment Of Another Girl.

One. I'm exhausted.
Two. I can never figure out how to leave a comment for her without being a xanga-person because I'm old. And tired.
Three. She's pretty cool. I like her.
Four. There's something on TV about a place I'm going to. So, I'm hiding for an hour and going to bed. Or I might just go to bed.

Longing for: a good, cold night, a turtleneck, a hot cup of coffee held between cold hands, and a thick book I won't reach the end of soon but can lose myself inside of. It's easier to feel this lonely in the winter.

ACK. I Swear To All That Is Holy....

That tomorrow's post WILL NOT BE BROUGHT TO YOU BY MY FACE.

A military story, perhaps? A tale of two sisters?

The Really Creepy Thing Is....

I was sitting outside with the Hissmeister holding court upon my lap and pushing in on the bone on the side where it doesn't poke out very much and there was this sort of squishing grinding sound and now there isn't a lump on the left side anymore.

Of course, then I got all excited and really pushed on the other side where it's so big now it looks like a hive and all I got for that was a couple grating noises like nails on a chalkboard and an even bigger headache (but maybe? a little smaller lump?)

Seriously, I thought they were just trying to get me to go away and quit bugging them about the bones poking out of my face with that cockamamie story.

But, ewwwwwww, it was gross. I'll bet there's a ton of big grown up boys-at-heart out there who love that sort of thing and think I'm lucky I get to shove the bones of my own face around.

Whatever, guys, back away from the computer, go outside and pull some legs offa ants instead. It's really not as neato as it sounds.

Mom Really Wasn't Kidding When She Said "Quit Making that Face or It'll Stay That Way"

So, yeah. Apparantly, my nose IS still crooked and that was a little wishful thinking, there. It's just not as crooked as it WAS.

I was informed this morning that the reason it feels all strange inside my nose is that all the cartilage up there is held together by permanent stitches. The reason it's crooked is because on one side the stitching is apparantly tighter than the other.

Okay, yeah, I'm lucky to be alive and this doctor performed miracles, I love him, don't get me wrong ... but why is my fucking lot in life for nothing to go well from beginning to end? Really? I haven't been banging my face into any more shit for the last three weeks - why won't it just heal like everyone else's face would?

Whatever. Deep breath. Find my happy place.

Next? Hello? Who's next in line please? Hello? Ah, hi there!

The thing poking out on the side of my nose, well both sides really, but one's really bad - I was right - it is bone. The edges of my cheekbones in a couple of the places they were broken, to be exact.

How do we fix this, you ask? Besides surgery in a year when I'm supposed to be gone from this place?

It seems that facial surgery is one of the very few where you can affect the outcome of it for weeks after the surgery.

By this, I mean that I have been told to push the tip of my nose over to the left. A LOT. Like all the time. While also massaging and pushing inward (as hard as I possibly can) on the lumps of bone.

Seriously. I can get that in writing if you want.

I think I may just jam it over and tape the fucking thing down while I sleep with two teeny anvils on my face.

I'll tell you what though. It doesn't hurt so much at the time, but when you stop? For the next three hours it's like a little man with a tiny hammer is trying to crack the rest of the way through your face. Or maybe, it's like a really bad sinus headache. Yeah, that's it. A really big bad MOFO of a sinus headache.

Like my face couldn't possibly already hurt enough at this point. It's starting to catch up with my heart.

But, it was a good day, despite it all, in spite of it all? A better one than I've had for quite a few there.

In other, nicer news - the absolutely gorgeous short haired pixie nurse said, "Here, so I don't have to hurt you I'll show you on my nose *since you and I have the same nose*".

And I didn't even begin to think I could explain why I started to cry.

all the world is
all I am
the black of the blackest ocean
and that tear in your hand

Change is ... Good?

I noticed, just now, that my nose isn't crooked anymore. Probably because it's a three day weekend and I haven't looked at myself since that picture on Friday morning - I mean, really, why torture myself any more? I'm already an expert. And, it's a farm. I get the distinct feeling the cows don't give a shit and the sheep are too worried about their nakedness after the shearing on Friday afternoon to be looking at me.

So, not crooked. Plus, I think the doctor gave me a little bumpy thing. You know? That little bumpy thing on the end of your nose? Dr. Polite Jason told me that it's not a 'masculine' trait but usually females have it. The bump.

Hrm.

How do I explain that? You know how people have ... oh ... I was going to say "a bump on their nose?"... not very helpful, I expect. Okay, going to look for a picture.

Here is my nose last year (left) and on the right is some poor random lady's nose (errr, thanks, lady) Anyways, the camera's not mine - I borrow it every once in a while - it's not like I need a picture every day so you're getting guessing and representation.

Now, if you *could* see my new profile, it actually looks a bit like this random lady BUT if you look where the arrows are pointing then if you were me last year, that's where it would start and if you were that lady you could feel that's where her bump starts. So now, in real life, I can *almost* see (but I CAN feel) the definition where the nose does the little swoop up into the tip. I never had one of those before.



It's kind of exciting. But kind of not. Anyways, forgive the crappiness of my MSPaint ability but here's what a nose is made up of and there's an arrow pointing at where there's something poking out into my face. Which, if you were me, you could see in those other pictures. According to the diagram, if the doctor put new stuff in the same place the old stuff was - then that makes it bone that's poking out of my face. So, you know, not exciting, that bit, not at all.


But, hey! thanks for 'letting' me bore you and wasting time obsessing over my face (which is kind of stupid and something I haven't really been doing but like I said - wasting time) to make me think about something other than dreading tomorrow for long enough that the painkillers are kicking in and I can go to sleep for a while.