The End of 2007 - Part One

I know that for all the years of the blogging, I've always done a Christmas/New Year's post. A post about the year before, what I've learned and where I see the next year going. This year, you may have noticed, that has been absent (well, along with almost any posts at all). Frankly - 2007 sucked. As did 2006, btw.

Oh yeah, I learned things. Wahoo. I became stronger. Woot!

But at what cost?

I'm not sure I can say that it wasn't worth it. Truly. But that certainly will never make it okay.

As the lovely Kaetlan said...

It's 11:44pm as a I begin writing this, and I'm not sure what to say. I started this blog 6 weeks into 2003, and since then have had something to say, however cursory, as I stood on the cusp of the next year. (Click any December in my archives, and you'll know I'm not kidding.)

Not so much this year, and maybe that's a good thing.

When I look back on the New Year's Eves of 2004, 2005, 2006 and 2007, I only remember feeling a lot of wishfulness of a worried kind, and for good reason: things sucked so terribly financially or emotionally that expressing my hopes and wishing for the best in the future was apotropaic — I sought to ward off anything else bad happening by saying I knew everything would be all right.

And things were all right, in the sense that I didn't wind up shitting in a shoebox under an overpass. But they were never all right in the ways that mattered to me. They weren't. I was always so broke and worried about money; I was so heartbroken and frustrated and lonely; I felt like a failure too poignantly.

There is a post at the end of 2006 - and it's optimistic and happy and blah blah blah. And it's not untrue. In the sense of K's last two paragraphs above.

I do feel badly, however, in the lack of the having anything to say. So here I am, stealing Jen's meme and putting some thought into the answers....

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?

Kidnapped a living being in the dark of night to save it's life.

Ate kangaroo.

Yardwork.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn't make any resolutions last year. This year, I went to bed at 7pm on New Year's Eve and got up at 10 am on New Year's Day so in that sense there will be no "New Year's Resolutions" this year either. I'd like to pay off what's accumulated in the last 15 months because of my injury. I'd like to quit smoking, again, this year - hopefully for good. There are other things I'd like to happen this year but they're out of my control so these two (and one I won't share) are the ones I do have a measure of control over.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No.

5. What countries did you visit?

Other than my own? None.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

A resolution of the disability compensation owed to me by the military for the last 15 months.

My licence back. And a car. If only because I've taken a job that, due to it's early starting hours, will require LOTS of cabs to get to work.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

There are none. Neither happy nor sad. I'm not the sort of person who remembers dates, in fact the last date I can remember is the day I put my first dog to sleep, in 1989. I couldn't even tell you for sure what date I put the Munchkin down, without looking it up, except that it was end of March, early April.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I didn't allow what's been going on to drive me so far over the edge that I couldn't get back up on it.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I allowed what's been going on this year to drive me over the edge more often than I'd like.

10. What was the best thing you bought?

The luggage I'll use to travel with from now on.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Burgle. Casey. Marjorie.

Relatively new friends who gave me more than I could ever thank them for this year.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?

Two I shall not name.

My stepmother.

The Reserve HQ of the Canadian Military.

13. What song will always remind you of 2007?

I listened to a lot of new music this year and since music itself is such an identifying and important part of my life - here's a list of songs new to me in 2007 that resonated....click the song title for lyrics, click "sample" for a 30 sec shot from imeem..

Lifehouse - Storm

The Rolling Stones - Laugh, I Nearly Died. Sample.

The John Butler Trio - Better Than, Used to Get High - both of these can be sampled here.

The Violet Burning - Crush, full song here.

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah. Sample.

Egypt Central - Home. Sample.

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals - All But One

This'll have to be cut short for now as I've got to get ready and go to work. :)

Tons of Stops And Starts

I have books upon books upon books of bits of things I've wanted to expand upon. Things I want to SAY.

In the absence of the time and / or motivation to expand upon them, or even that they're small bits about me I haven't been able to talk about or don't know how to - I've decided to give you the raw notes themselves. At least for now.

Certain people seem more powerful than the obstacles they face.

Throwing herself bodily at him in the assumption that the harder she hit him, the better she would stick.

Attraction makes us chase what, in the end, may chase us down. It is the shiny thing in the road that draws us, like crows, to our doom. Most times, the truck out of nowhere bears down on us and we end our lives in a flutter of dark feathers and scraped skin. Now and then, we nab the shiny thing and we fly with it.
But there's always one more shiny thing on some other road.

And... a little Ani DiFranco...

i'm a pixie

i'm a paper doll

i'm a cartoon

i'm a chipper cheerful free for all and i light up a room

i'm the color me happy girl

miss live and let live

and when they're out for blood

i always

[give]

the man behind the counter looks like he's got

a half a dozen places he'd rather be

and furthermore it looks like he's prepared

to take it all out on me

buddy, i don't really care what your problem is

just don't make it mine

come on kids, let's all hold hands

and pretend we're having a good time

maybe you don't like your job

maybe you didn't get enough sleep

well, nobody likes their job

nobody got enough sleep

maybe you just had

the worst day of your life

but, you know, there's no escape

and there's no excuse

so just suck up

suck up

suck up and be nice

yeah, i would like to perfect the art

of being studiously aloof

like life is just a boring chore

and i am living proof

i could join forces with an army

of ornery hipsters

but then i guess i'd be out of a job

so i guess that's out of the picture

cuz i am a pixie

i am a paper doll

i'm a cartoon

i'm a chipper cheerful free for all

and i light up a room

i'm the color me happy girl

miss live and let live

and when they're out for blood

i always

[give]

In the space of a week I was informed by the military that they didn't owe me any portion of the $30,000 of lost wages due to my injury by them, my mother was diagnosed with bladder cancer and then subsequently hit a concrete divider in the snow on her way home from the hospital and was left with a concussion and an unusable truck and I was served with papers (expected at some point) indicating that my condo board would be lodging a caveat on my land title for unpaid condo fees.

I'm a chipper cheerful free for all, because, suprisingly, I am okay. I guess I've learned over the last while to .. just... be.. Jen.

The Worst 10 Minutes of My Life

Today I went out to see my osteopath.

Aren't you proud?

Just kidding.

Once in his exam room I talked to him about the whole jaw thing and so we started with that today. After a bit of the cranial sacral stuff and a little kind-of-painful under the jaw stuff with a little stuff I can't really describe, he stood up and poked about in his cupboard, saying, "Now here comes the good part."

I rolled my eyes upward to see him snapping on a latex glove. A LATEX GLOVE, people.

With one hand in my mouth and one on my forehead (presumably to hold me down) he then proceeded to cause me the most exruciating sustained pain I have ever felt in my entire life.

I think it's working. I feel better than I have in a year and a half.

That, however, is not going to stop me from dumping a quarter cup of chocolate chips directly into a jar of peanut butter and getting a spoon.

Excuse me.

Laugh, I Nearly Died

Well, I made it pretty far, even though on most of the posts I was just phoning it in. The spark is gone, it seems. Or on a really long vacation.

I had a difficult few days there but yesterday, thanks to the insanely creative people at I Can Has Cheezburger, for the first time in ages I laughed until I cried.

And the best one of all....

A Peek Inside, Part II

And, yeah, you'll notice I'm doing all the easy questions.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE IS...
(like you didn't see that comin')

MY FAVORITE MATERIAL POSSESSION

signed by the artist - whom I worked with at the Ministry. A little closer look - although it really is so much more startling and intricate in person.

ONE THING I CAN LIVE WITHOUT...

MY COMFORT FOOD IS...

made fresh today.

A Peek Inside

Forgive the quality of these pictures - I took them in the dark while I was watching TV - no flash. I'll try harder next time, really.

From a meme I found somewhere, take a picture to go with the caption. Part I follows.

WHO AM I?

MY GUILTY PLEASURE

I DON'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT...

MY FAVORITE TYPE OF TRANSPORT

S.H.I.T. - Society to Highlight Ingrate Terms

I work (well, back when I worked) with someone who just doesn't like me. And I don't like her - I can, however, admit that it's personal. I don't like her because.... well, I could give you lots of reasons, but you don't know her (most likely) and they're all not work related, so who cares? Let it be enough to say that I, personally, to and for myself, have valid reasons. When questioned, her reasons for not liking me are because I'm a) bad at my job (I'm not), b) bad with the patients (hello? not) and c) I swear too much.

Kay, I'm the first to admit I'm a foul-mouthed army bitch. Considering that I work with 50 year old men who routinely say things like "What the fucking fuck is this? What the fuck is this shit here for? Why the hell do we have this motherfucking crap all over the fucking place?" all in one breath (seriously) and maybe you don't like dem dere cuss words but if I'm not swearing constantly (see above) or at the patients and I don't talk TO YOU, then maybe, just maybe, you need to come up with a better and honest reason for not liking me.

Like, maybe, you JUST.DON'T.LIKE.ME.

I'd respect that, at least.

I can respect someone not liking me. I can't, however, respect someone who personally doesn't like me but uses that to undermine my day to day work life. Cause (and I think this escapes most people these days) PERSONAL and PROFESSIONAL are two different things.

Anyways, somewhere in my long list of favorites I've earmarked Why I Love Cuss Words and so, today, I'm sharing it with you.

Or should I say, "I'm sharing it with you, ya fuckers."

All of this is why, to get to the point, I have launched the Society to Highlight Ingrate Terms (SHIT). Just as the National Rifle Association believes that a good gun owner is an educated gun owner, SHIT reminds its members that cuss words relieve a tremendous amount of tension, but only if used with respect for their power. SHIT will educate people to use swear words properly. For instance, shit is an all-purpose word; cussers should use it when failing an exam or watching a favorite team cost you $20 by blowing a huge lead. However, if you use lose more than $20, that's a fuck. If you're dealing with the IRS, that might be a shit or a fuck, depending on who did your taxes; if you're dealing with the FBI or ATF, that's always a fuck.

Among other cuss words, asshole is good for the boss or moron coworkers or in-laws, but motherfucker should be reserved for more weighty situations, such as when a mugger shoots you even after you give him your wallet, or you realize you're slipping off the edge of the Grand Canyon as you back up for a family photo. I hear motherfucker invoked for the simplest of transgressions, such as a foul during a basketball game. No, no, no! "Fuck you" will suffice, or maybe "What the hell?" Motherfucker is a fairly serious accusation.

Membership in SHIT is free, but we do expect members to uphold certain standards. Children must be encouraged to use cuss words properly, or not at all (if a toddler wants to say shit when he falls on his face, he'll say it. Give him time). We do not swear at police officers, because they have guns. And although swear words exist in all languages, SHIT uses the English standard. Members are, however, permitted to say "Pardon my French."

Should you lack the control to use cuss words only when warranted, you may suspend your membership by saying aloud in front of two witnesses, "Fuck SHIT." Remember to burn your membership card.

And, just so I'm on record as saying this - Dressler? If you're ever actually going to swear, it better be within my hearing. MCpl MF is SO not deserving of that particular honor.